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A Widowed Introvert: Part Three

Posted on: September 6, 2023 | Posted by: Kathie Neff

RESILIENCE

Image by Noah Silliman via unsplash.com

Resilience is the ability to withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events. Being resilient does not mean a person doesn’t experience stress, emotional upheaval, and suffering. Resilience involves the ability to work through emotional pain and suffering. — Katie Hurley, LCSW

The quote reminds me of the Japanese proverb that says

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

As we make our way through a world that favors extroverts, we introverts are quietly gaining skills for resilience. It is necessary for us to learn to strategize how to take care of ourselves in energy-draining situations, in busy spaces that suck us dry, and to learn of our need to renew in solitude.

In doing so, we are actually taking small steps toward resilience.

In working on this piece, I came upon some interesting information about resilience. The team at Vanderbilt University indicated that the field of research is relatively new.

The initial studies of resilience came from surveying individuals following traumatic events and measuring the presence of emotional distress. Some trauma researchers have shifted focus to examine how people cope with trauma and which traits buffer them against forming posttraumatic stress symptoms. Researchers at the University of North Carolina have coined another term for resilience, “post traumatic growth”, to describe the factors associated with how human beings can be positively changed and even flourish resulting from their encounters following a traumatic event. –Vanderbilt Uni Medical Center

Catch me on a bad day of grief and this might feel way too cheerful for my mood. Today it feels sort of hopeful. As always, take what you need and leave the rest.

Their article went on to include the following list which gave me food for thought:

The American Psychological Association’s Road to Resilience Initiative identifies 10 ways to build resilience:

  1. Make Connections
  2. Avoid seeing crisis as insurmountable problems
  3. Accept that change is a part of living
  4. Move toward your goals
  5. Take decisive actions
  6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery
  7. Nurture a positive view of yourself
  8. Keep things in perspective
  9. Maintain a hopeful outlook
  10. Take care of yourself

I need one more week to suss this out

 

So, I printed out the list, hung it on my bedroom wall where I’ll see it first thing every morning. I plan to work with it this week. Kind of an overly-ambitious to-do list?

If you wish to join me, let me know here.

Next week, I’ll let you know if it helped, harmed, or did nothing.

. . . to be continued . . .

scrabble words in formation saying Fall down 7 times, stand up 8
Image by Brett Jordan via unsplash.com

Notes:

  • Everyday Health, Katie Hurley, LCSW https://www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/
  • Japanese Proverb, https://www.wagingpeace.org/fall-down-seven-times-stand-up-eight/
  • Study on Introverts by Griffith University, Dr. Xi Wen (Carys) Chan, https://enlighten.griffith.edu.au/can-introverts-be-successful-in-extroverted-careers/#:~:text=Factors%20for%20success&text=It%20is%20important%20to%20note,speaking%2C%20sales%2C%20or%20teaching
  • Building Resilience suggestions from Vanderbilt University Medical Center, https://www.vumc.org/health-wellness/resource-articles/building-resilience-turning-challenges-success
  • The American Psychological Association, Road to Resilience, https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience

Categories: Newly Widowed, Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community

About Kathie Neff

Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.

Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.

Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.

Long live love. XO

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