The Business of Change that I started back in mid-September continues on. There’s just so much stuff to go through and just so little willpower on my part. Despite all the difficult work packing her 118 pair of shoes into boxes, only one box has made it to a new home. (I remind myself that one is better than none – and even one is still a…
Widowed
the unhelpful helper
When I first became a widow, I wanted everyone to go away. I did not want to talk, discuss, be comforted, or hear anyone. I found everything overwhelming and the need to communicate with others verbally was not at all on the list of desired actions. I was annoyed by the needs of others. Their want to know I was okay or that the kids were…
Is There a Statute of Limitations ….
…. on now long Jim will remain on so many mailing lists? Because …. really?! It’s been 4 years. Well, Three years and 11 months, but who’s counting? Besides me? I don’t think there’s a day that goes by without getting something in the mail that’s addressed to him. And mostly, it’s just junk mail. And I get that. I really do. Because…
I am strong.
I am strong. I am incredibly strong. I never knew how strong Before. I wonder how I survived those first few minutes of knowing, those first few hours of screaming, that first night, week, month, year. But I did. …and so I know I am made of strong stuff. I know it’s true because I am still here, raising two children, finding joy where I can get…
Chapter Two
I now divide my life into two chapters. Chapter one began when I met Dave. My life path suddenly became clear with him. I felt really safe and loved for the first time. My grades in college improved, the lifelong battle I’d had with insomnia disappeared. I moved across the country to be with this man who turned my world around. We spent…
I Don’t Like Broccoli
I’m thinking about getting a second family, one with a wife and kids. I could take out an ad in a newspaper, “Man looking for wife and kids to help him figure out his own children. Family must know man and his three children will live in another house.” That should get me married in less than two weeks.Why, do you ask, am I going all…
Weird
I’d be lying if I said I miss being weird…I still am and will always be. But oh…how I miss being weird with him. Not so much weird with him, but ourselves completely. I impressed him with my Gallum impersonation. He impressed me with his Chewbacca roar. He spent his lunch breaks watching Star Trek Next Generation, and loved that I collected…
It’s Us Against the World
I heard this song by Coldplay recently and it made me think of all of us. Thought I’d share it. Hugs to all of you. Don’t let go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGlqmn2HSTk Oh morning come bursting the clouds amen Lift off this blindfold let me see again Bring back the water let your ships roll in In my heart she left a hole The…
a blessing for all things
The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings. — Henry Ward Beecher I have found that at times, I am a whiny, ungrateful little sap. I moan at life’s injustice and cry out at the lot I have been given. I beat my fists against fate and want to scream when I hear “It happened…
Counting My Blessings ….
…. and there are six of them. Well, I have way more than six blessings …. but the main ones, the biggest ones …. are the six people who are now home with me. My …. our …. six children. Only two of them live at home now …. and one of those is leaving in January. He’s going to boot camp. For the Marines. But I’m not going to think…
The F Word
F…A…T. I’m a fat widow. Yes I am. You don’t need to give me an awkward smile and insist that I’m not a fat widow. I am and I own it. I give other widowed people a bad name. I shatter the image of the grief-ridden widow/widower by eating and actually enjoying it. And I’ve been doing this for nearly three years now. I feel…
Good Bye
Good bye. Words we are familiar with. We have, in one way or another, said goodbye to spouses/partners. In tears, begging for forgiveness, in resolution. We have thought, uttered, whispered those words. Good bye. Good bye for me, now holds so much more. I get that I may not see a person again. I get that there isn’t a reason for death. It sweeps…