So, I was feeling really really strong after feeling not so strong. And then I got a stomach bug. And after a week of being stuck at home, semi-helpless, I felt my anxiety creep back in. I don’t get a little bug and just think “Oh, I’ll be fine. It’s just a bug,” I think “I might be just a little sick, or…I might be very sick and will have to go…
Widowed
Where We’re Going
He died on a Tuesday. I can still remember screaming those animal sounds into the phone, tones I’d never heard come out of myself. Deep, guttural defiances… yelled at his dad on the other end of the line – every cell of me rejecting the words from his broken voice, “No baby, he’s not okay…” The room is spinning. I remember flashes only. I…
Compare
“We envy others, for we see their lives in broad outline, while forced to live ours in every detail.” — Robert Brault I’m leading a weekend with a group of widows for our organization and there was one commonality within the group:All had felt that their life, choices, look, path was less than when they compared it to others. Even more so,…
Toolbox
I don’t do drugs of any kind. I rarely drink. Wine gives me headaches and makes me fall asleep, I think beer tastes like gasoline (not that I’ve ever consumed gasoline, but if I did, I know it would taste like beer), and I’m way too wimpy for hard liquor type-stuff. So, two and a half years ago, when life pushed me at 100 mph onto this…
…..and breathe…..
Today was school break-up day. Party Day. Unofficial last day of the school year (except for tomorrow which is clean and scrub every single thing in the classroom day). I have been counting down to this day for the past month. My class are tired. I am exhausted (and for those non-teachers who scoff, don’t until you’ve done it. I used to…
Tears Amongst Happiness ……
….. is what I’ve experienced this week. Yes, this is the time of year when I usually experience my annual “death march”. The time that my body marks, better than any earthly calendar. The days leading up to Jim’s unexpected death on December 18, 2007. This has been a good year. In many ways. And yet, it seems unbelievable that I am coming…
Hi…..
I’m Kerryl. In 4 days I’ll be 18 months into my journey as a widow and single mum. And you may note from my spelling, I’m an Australian blogger. I’ve read Widow’s Voice since I joined the ranks, and am honoured that Michele has asked me to now write about my life as a widow.Ian and I first met on a dating website. I liked that…
Ornamental
Blessings to you, during this difficult time of year for many of us. I’ve handled Christmas pretty well since Ian died. Partly as we’d not really developed/embedded traditions before he passed, partly because I have a very young child who I want to experience and have memories of the childhood magic and joy of the season. So I bring you my…
Infusion
Oh, it’s back. Some of my previous silliness, joy and ease is back. Sleeping and I are friends again, but it’s a tentative relationship. We’re afraid to like each other too much, lest we get too attached. But it’s working for now. And for that I am so grateful I want to throw a party. I’m eating TOO well, and I’m exercising and working more without…
Where We Began
A big hello to everyone here at Soaring Spirits and Widow’s Voice on my debut post. I’m incredibly honored and humbled to have been asked to join this team. I hope that we can help each other to feel heard, honored, and loved for exactly where we are in these years of tears. I’ve been a writer all my life in some form, but this is the first time…
Recognizing the pain
I’ve been traveling a ton the past week and in the midst of that, found myself looking through notebooks filled with quotes and thoughts that have inspired my being. One in particular, stuck out this evening: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Whoa!If that isn’t poignant to the ebbs and flows of our lives as…
Crumb of Cake
Call me crazy, but I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m a little bit crazy. Is that crazy? Is it Nuts-ville Crazytown that I feel like I am more in love with my husband now, than ever before? That I would rather have one-way conversations with his spirit or soul, than put any real efforts into possibly finding a new partner who I could actually…