Last week I called Veronica and offered to write her post this week…seeing as it is Thanksgiving and she was going to have just given birth…I thought she *may* be a bit busy! (She, and her big loving family, welcomed a baby boy on Monday. Bayor Matthias weighed in at 9lb 15oz, he measured 20 inches long…and he is absolutely gorgeous!)…
Widowed Holidays
Thankful ……
…… is not something I have felt a lot these past almost-6 years. I mean, I’ve felt it for a few things, like my children, my family and friends who were there for me when I really needed them. But it was beyond difficult to feel thankful, while at the same time not believing that Jim was dead. But this year …… this year is different. These…
The Tree
It had been nearly six months since Dave died and Christmas was coming, whether I cared about it or not. I got home and the driveway was full of familiar cars, the house lit up like Vegas. Waiting inside were many of my closest girlfriends and a house decorated for Christmas; music, candles, food and a perfect Christmas tree ready to decorate. Each…
Remembrance Candle
I know the holidays are way over, but I wanted to share a Christmas experience I had with my children, when we lit a candle in remembrance of Lisa. The monthly grief group my girls and I attend has a holiday service where the family lights a candle for the person we are remembering. Our family was not able to make the event this year, but a one…
Dodging Bullets on New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve is my #1 most difficult holiday. More than Christmas, more than Halloween and more than Maggie’s birthday weekend (2nd weekend in December.) Saturday will mark the third without a midnight Maggie-and-Chris lip lock. It’s difficult to imagine kissing someone else on that day and at that time since her lips are the only ones…
Aging Gratefully
Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old, three years older than Phil was when he died six years ago (crazy to think he would be 46 right now!). My first birthday without him I remember wishing time could just stand still. I didn’t want to age without him;I didn’t want to celebrate being alive with birthday songs and presents; and I didn’t want to…
2 down, 48 to go…
Christmases without Greg, that is. Given my long-lived female relatives, I know I can expect to see the age of 90 if not 100 years old. (Longevity seems to be a heritable trait in my family … as does early widowhood.) Which means 48 more Christmases to endure even with the more conservative estimate…. …and I don’t want to do another single…
I Think I Do
It’s so strange how much easier the holidays were than I expected. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy, just easier than expected. I’ve been feeling almost spooked by the lack of horrific pain I’ve felt in the last week or so leading up to Christmas.For one thing, Dave and I never made a big deal out of Christmas. We’d hit his parents’…
Speaking to the Ghost of Christmas Past
The day Phil died, my world was irrevocably changed. No amount of crying, wishing, or begging could switch my new reality back to the reality of what seems like only moments ago. The first Christmas without him, I sat on the coach alone watching the kids open gifts that only I chose, purchased, wrapped, and stowed under the tree…barely able to…
Cheers!
I’ll start today with a few toasts to the holidays! Cheers! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! and drum roll please…..Death still Sucks! Two more days til Christmas, and as usual….I’m not ready yet. I still have a shopping list, I’ve still not wrapped my gifts, and I haven’t watched all the movies I want to see or drank all the eggnog in the…
Things I don’t miss about Christmas
Warning – my brand of humour follows. I think I’m funny. You may disagree. I feel short-changed. For years, we would debate about whose family home we would spend Christmas in. …. my parent’s home with their clean, relatively modern furniture, good food, great company and pleasant atmosphere … or with his large, loud, argumentative family…
Open Wound
I wish I could report days of happiness and joy. But I can’t. I feel like I am walking around with an open wound. It’s been like this throughout the whole holiday season. This year feels worse than the past two years. Why am I crying so much? I suppose I can answer my own question. Michael loved Christmas. He loved Christmas not because he had so…