I take thee, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, until death do us part. If he only knew what those vows mean. He does though. He always will. Last Saturday, I stood as a groomsman at the very same altar where I was married to Megan.
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
Hit the Road
In about 36 hours, Shelby, Sarah and I are hitting the road. We’re not going to Texas, or the beach, or New York, or to visit my parents. We’re not planning this trip amongst anyone other than ourselves. I neither desired or solicited anyone else’s input with regards to our plans, other than Sarah and Shelby. We’re headed to the…
Soul Searching
I saw my therapist today, for the first time in about two years, we figured. She was the one who first helped begin to lift me out of the fog in those early weeks and months after Mike’s death. She knows my story, knows me. I had been thinking of her a lot this year, with all the issues and decisions I am facing, and low and behold, I literally ran…
My Own Decisions
Summer is here. Shelby’s last day of school is tomorrow. Work is slowing down, after the “sales” season rolls into the “build” season for the company I work for. Weekends are a time for rest and relaxation. Time to get things done around the house, and to spend time in the woods, at the beach, or just taking in an overnight trip…
Pre-survivor’s Guilt
It’s Monday night. After a long holiday weekend, and a single day of work, I’m off for a week. Sarah and I are traveling to Texas tomorrow, to meet with her friends and family and celebrate the memory of Drew, as they’ve done yearly since his death. The loose ends are tied up at work. Our bags are packed and we’re into the impatient…
That Polo Shirt
Its sixteen months into this new life and like all others on this journey I’ve taken many steps forward and many steps back. A couple of months ago making the decision that I would prepare myself to put John’s clothes away. I decided to give myself a timeline of two months to do this. During this two month timeline there were days that I felt…
The Blank Page
Every writer experiences it. Staring at the blank page. Sometimes no words come at all, and sometimes, there are so many words we’re not sure which ones to put down. Grief is kind of like that. Sometimes we sit in blank stupefaction while the horror of our new reality without our spouses showers down around us. Other times we are inundated with so…
Cake and Beer
In honor of Sarah’s late-fiance’s birthday, I’ve decided to write him a letter, man to man. It’s something I haven’t done in awhile, and today, of all days, seems most appropriate. Hey man, So, today’s your birthday. It’s kinda hard to believe you would have been only 33 years old. You had way too much left to do. Hell,…
Grown Up Problems
Mike was never good at dealing with grown up problems. He truly did have a childlike spirit – that was sometimes fun, and sometimes frustrating. When it came to taxes, phone calls, fixing things, filling out forms, and bigger worries, he was often useless. I did most of all that. And when he died…well, widowed people understand all the…
Mixed Emotions
After two and a half months in Virginia helping my family through a medical crisis, I am finally back in Kona for a few final months. Kona, Hawaii, where I moved with my late husband in 2001. This magical, special and most beautiful place where we made so many memories.Mike is here. His spirit will always be here, to me, even as I take a part of…
Limbo Girl
In a few weeks we will hit the four year mark of Mike’s death. Four years. On that day I will have survived 1,460 days without him. I only got 5040 days with him. Life for those of us left behind continues to speed by. Some days I panic a little that grief has stolen so much time. Then I realize how much grief has taught me, and how much I have…
Another Runner Up?
I derive a lot of inspiration reading the other writers here at Widow’s Voice. They are all strong, beautiful people with individual stories of tragedy and living this life. I feel honored to be listed on the same page as they are. Reading Michelle’s post this week, Runner Up, made me stop and think. I don’t write much about my boyfriend here. A…