while friend johnny utah was out for a run (obviously he is crazy), maddie and I started walking toward the playground. saw a mom, a dad.each one holding an arm counting to three swinging their daughter, daughter laughing hysterically. how does a single father bring that kind of joy? i could try it with one arm, but that would look terrible to…
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Finding Balance…..
….. seems to be life-long process, doesn’t it? We try to find balance between school work and fun, then between marriage and work, then between marriage and work and children. For the past two years I’ve struggled to find balance between grieving and living.And now my heart is trying to find a new balance …. between a wonderful current…
The Numbers Keep Growing
What’s that old joke? This must be Heaven, people are just dying to get in here…. People aren’t dying to get into our club, but membership requires that sacrifice of a loved one. Before I found Michele, and all of the rest of my widowed friends, I thought it was just me. Only I had lost my husband young. Only I was left to care for a child alone.
Throwing in the Towel
I have often said that anyone whose spouse has died should receive an automatic, lifetime, get-out-of-jail-free card. This card would be used for things like avoiding leaking faucets, flat tires, broken fences, faulty plumbing, and critters stuck under the house or in the chimney. This all purpose pass should also free the bearer from: teenage…
Splat
I am standing, sobbing, in the parking lot of Costco in the arms of a strange man. The parking lot of Costco, my cart next to me. I am unable to find my car.It’s not my car, it’s the one I am borrowing. And when I left the store, striding like a woman who knows EXACTLY where she is going, I remembered what it looked like. But as I neared the row,…
Turn the Light On
The other night I was enjoying dinner with one of my great friends. She is also a widow and will be coming up on two years since the loss of her soul mate. As we sat and enjoyed our meals, drinks, conversation and company, it became obvious that in a restaurant full of people, we were the only ones laughing, smiling, toasting and enjoying the…
comradery
Before widowhood, I really, truly thought I knew a lot. I supposed I knew how I should/would/could react in a variety of situations. How others should/could/would act. The ‘right’ the ‘wrong’ in a plethora of situations. What a variety of other people’s actions meant regarding their thoughts or mental state. I was wrong. So very wrong.I remember so…
who she was
taken at the broback wedding.two weeks(including a trip to greece)after ours.i think i havea new favoritephoto of liz.i talked to the male brobackabout thisand we’re sure she’s waving to someonewho was a complete stranger to herjust hours earlier.everyone washer best friend.i can’t get enough ofthat shot.this is trulywho she was.
Peace and Quiet ….
… are not two things that I’ve felt a lot of over the past two years. Not that I haven’t experienced quiet …. I have …. sometimes too much quiet, right? But I haven’t felt the quiet …. inside of me. Not like I used to anyway. But there are days now ….. finally, that I am feeling more at peace …. and more quiet.Certainly not every day.
Pretty Good
Well, usually there is some drama or some burning question to discuss on a Tuesday….but so far, so good! What do I blog about when things are just pretty good? Nothing terrible to report this week, no self actualization, no amazing realizations…just normal life. I guess that is something, isn’t it?I think sometimes I get caught up doing…
Friends Matter
In my pre-widow life I was fortunate to have lots of friends. We bonded over jobs or kids or committee work or a combination of any/all of these. I knew the value of girlfriends who set you straight when you are weaving a self-destructive path, those who would hold your hair at just the right moment, and the ones with whom I could share my child…
A Toast
A peace settled around me this morning that muffled the noise of the day and left me smiling (except when I was trying to get the two kids out the door to pick up the third kid, so we could get the oldest kid to his concert on time) Photo above. “It is all good.” I kept thinking…and feeling. “I am exactly where I am supposed to be.”15 years…