I, like Michelle, have not thought a lot about my future. It seems to be a very fuzzy grey fog out there somewhere (but hey, it used to be an inky black fog so here’s to the color getting lighter!). But recently, I have caught myself thinking about it. Even making a plan or two. And then I’ll realize what I’m doing and stop ….. and be amazed.The…
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Lordy look who’s 40….
Next week is my 40th, hard to believe really. Forty has an odd significance for me. I met my husband when I was 16. When he proposed to me at 22 (we reunited after a couple of years of not seeing each other in college), I remember him telling me I was beautiful….BUT….. Beautiful but what?? “Beautiful”, he said, “but I know you’ll be stunning…
Another Musical Monday
Okay, consider yourself warned about the potential for tears when reading my musical Monday posts. Teary eyed smiles are a good thing, right? Today’s song was written, and performed, by a good friend of mine, and has been the background for a few intense moments for me ;)Kimberly Roads-Schlapman was living the dream of an aspiring artist in the…
Experiencing
Doing things that Michael and I would have enjoyed together was once unthinkable. “If he’s not here to enjoy them then I shouldn’t” was a philosophy that was stuck in my brain the first months after his passing.With time though, I realized that that was not doing myself or what Michael had taught me any justice. Little by little I dipped my toes…
renovated reactions
On the day our daughter, Liv, first started preschool, my husband, Jeff, and I dropped her off together. We helped her off with her coat. We put her shoes on the mat. Then, we stared expectantly at her wondering (possibly hoping) if she would start to cry and demand that we stay. She didn’t. In fact, Liv told us with thirteen year old form, “You…
Expired
I just received a notice from the Fictitious Business Name Renewal Center. Apparently Phil’s fictitious business name will expire if he doesn’t pay the $125 fee before September 28, 2009. Somehow I don’t think the check will arrive in time. Seems this company has no record of Phil’s death. The fact that there could be any organization left that I…
This, Too, Shall Pass ….
It’s time to be brutally honest and up front with all of you. Proceed with caution. Before I write this confession, I must also confess that there’s no way that I believe I am alone in this. And that is why I decided to write about it.I have wanted to die. No shock there, right? We’ve all felt that desire. But for me, there have been more than just…
Not Dead Yet
I had another run in with death this week…No, not a friend or family member. This time it was me. How, you might ask? “Ms. Dippel, we are having a problem verifying your credit for your cable installation…..(uncomfortable pause….) um, Ms. Dippel, uh, has anyone ever told you that you show up as “deceased” on your credit report?”Yup, that’s…
Compare and Contrast
Yes, your eyes are working well. I have actually posted a photo of Phil and I above a photo of me and my boyfriend, Michael. Why? While I was interviewing widows several years ago, I spoke to many women who were in new relationships. I asked each of these ladies…”Do you compare your new partner to your former husband?” Without exception they…
8 Strangers
Peace comes tonight in the form of 8 strangers. Mexican and Jewish, white and other, one young with child on the way, one older with a young child, spiritual, long haired, outgoing and quiet, well dressed and unclipped toe nails.We are strangers. We come together and shut the door, shut the unclear, confusing and sometimes mean world on the other…
I Am Thankful
This weekend I am at another AWP event. We have military widows from all different creeds and backgrounds, all celebrating, smiling and living life to the fullest. As I sit in their presence, I am in awe and honored to be in their presence.In each of them I celebrate their own individual journey, as it reinforces my own. I never envisioned my life…
joining the team
Hi, I’m Jackie. Unfortunately, if you’re reading this, you are most likely on the same dreaded team as me – a Widow. On March 25th, 2008, my husband, Jeff, our kids and I woke early to get him to the doctor because he hadn’t been feeling well. He had put off going to the GP because he hated to admit there was ever anything physically wrong…