Fourteen years ago, I awoke in my childhood bedroom … well got up anyway … I was too excited to sleep much. My bridesmaid, my Mum and I quickly ate breakfast and took ourselves down to the salon for ‘hair and makeup’. We emerged hours later, coiffed and painted, but still recognisable. Everyone ate lunch … not me … I couldn’t eat for the…
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One Thousand, Three Hundred & Seventy-nine Days ….
…. since I’ve heard three small words. I heard, or rather, read them yesterday. And I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I’m not stunned that I was sent the words, but am happily surprised. I am stunned at the impact those three words are having on me. I was stunned when I read them and I’m still stunned.This has been, and will continue to be an…
Sometimes You’re the Bug
Found this picture while looking for images that expressed how some of my days have been recently. This one made me laugh out loud! I’m glad to report that it isn’t as bad as all that…but there are moments when I feel like the shark is about that close. I think I sometimes lean heavily on the idea that “this isn’t hard, I’ve experienced hard,…
Meaningful Moments
This weekend I was out running a few errands with my daughter. We were at Lowes buying a replacement microwave oven. And, because I love gardening, anytime I’m at a store that has a garden section, there you will find me. I was walking down the aisle, pushing my cart, and looking at all the varieties of plants. I had something specific in mind, but…
He’s Not Here
Last weekend we moved. Our new place is smaller, more intimate. I like it. It’s simpler to manage. (There are only so many places Ezra’s left shoe can be!) It makes sorting through the boxes and boxes of stuff I should have sold, much simpler. (If it stays, exactly where is it going to go, Kim?) And I feel lighter here, less…
Burn
I know the phrase is a little off-putting but I think I’d be in naive in not noting those that have come in and out of my life since Michael’s death….though burning of bridges is probably an exaggeration of a statement. In the beginning of Michael’s death, many left or were hurt by the lack of understanding of the pain and loss I was feeling. As…
I’m Okay
Six years ago my husband died in a tragic accident (is there any other kind really?). I woke up the next morning, and felt certain that I had been dreaming. With my eyes closed, I slid my hand across the bed to Phil’s side, and felt the cold sheets where his warm body used to lie. I wasn’t dreaming. The pain of his absence was searing. There were…
Security
Last week, I fell. Emotionally. Too many stressors on top of an already stressful life. …and then the person who keeps work flowing my way resigned. and I panicked.Because she is the only person in admin who gets it. But I met with her, and while she isn’t able to give me more long-term certainty, she moved mountains to keep me employed for…
A Look Back
I was looking through some old posts today and this one caught my attention. I wrote it on December 18, 2008. One year after Jim died. I wrote about that year, and how far I/we came in those 365 days. I thought I had come a long way. I had no clue. None. I still had so much further to go. But still …. after reading it today …. that’s what…
Business of Change
Today marks 869 days since Maggie’s Angel Day. Being that specific implies more preoccupation than is truly representative of my mental state. But being that specific makes me think about how far I’ve come and how far I’ve still to go. (I’ll save you the math: 869 days is roughly 124 weeks, 29 months or just nearly 2 ½ years. From official…
Another What If.
This past week I was experiencing some health problems. Of course it was an emotional week, as most of you are now aware of, so I was already feeling emotionally vulnerable. Like any time we are not feeling well, or are experiencing changes in our health without explanation, we begin to worry. Like any other man, I kept telling myself that it will…
The Closer
I want to be a closer in baseball. Or at least I want to think like one. I was watching a game on TV and one of the best closers in baseball gave up back to back home runs and his team lost the game. The next night he gets another chance to close out the game. This time: he walks the first batter, hits the second batter, and the third batter…