Still, I am taken back when someone in David’s life has just learned of his death. How could they not have known??! Shouldn’t anyone who had ever come in contact with him during his life have felt the earth pause the moment he passed away? As if the earth should have been altered if he no longer walked upon it. Dramatic, I know. It’s the best…
nicole hart
Worth a Second Look
I started to write something to honor the men we have lost in recognition of Memorial Day. Then I realized that I couldn’t write anything more poignant or beautiful than what Nicole has already posted. And so I am re-posting her Thursday post with this addition…there are no words of thanks that adequately honor the sacrifices made by the men and…
I can’t stop thinking about David.
Not that I actually try. But today it’s more like he is ALL I’m thinking about. Even when his beauty fills my mind I can’t help but feel partial. Like someone tore off my legs and somehow…I’m still living. I’ve wondered from day one (of widowhood) how long I’d survive this life. “Time” I no longer understand nor try to comprehend. I can…
Indifferent
Indifferent: Lack of feeling. Being neither too much nor too little. Neither good nor bad. Neither right nor wrong. Journal entry this week: I wish I was upset, but I’m not. I wish I felt sad, but I don’t. Depressed?…don’t think so. I want to cry, but I can’t. Scream… but I won’t. I feel so out of place. Maybe this is it. I’ve finally snapped.
Take My Hand
I had sand all over my feet and the wind in my face. My eyes were closed as I stretched my arms out wide as I could and I balanced against the railing of the life guard tower. I held my palms up as if waiting… expecting David to take them, I almost felt as though he did. I took deep, careful breaths… I wanted David. I caught myself whispering,…
It is birthday weekend.
David and I were born only two days apart, out of all the years I’ve known him we’ve only been able to spend 3 birthdays together… Our 16th, our 21st, and our 22nd birthdays… (Picture taken at Six Flags California, April 2006, our 21st Birthdays) Previously, I looked forward to new years to come, new challenges… another birthday… life.
My Valley
It’s Thursday. As I lay in my bed pondering all the emotions I’ve traveled through this week… I can’t help but smile and shake my head… Wow. Where the heck did I go this week?? And how did I get back?! Have you ever traveled through the depths of the “valley” of grief and lost recognition of who you are? I think and say things that surprise…
The truth?
Have you ever had to lie to protect yourself? To protect what’s left of you? I thought I was ready to go back to work 3 months after David was killed. I have no particular logic as to why I thought it was time to mingle with the “others” but I assumed if I just refused eye contact I’d be OK. In my line of work, you see the same people maybe once…
I am not alone.
Confession: I am not fun when hungry. When my hunger sets in I get a headache, become weak, and I’m grumpy! I can’t hide my hunger well, and David knew this better than anyone. The moment I became difficult he’d ask, “Have you eaten today?” “No.” His action? Drop everything and get my wife some food! David always prevented my “hunger monster” from…
Stronger than Death
I woke up the morning of January 8th, 2008 elated to be alive! I guess you can say David and I grew up together. We met when we were 12 years old. My soulmate. I’ve held only his strong hands, kissed only his beautiful lips, and slept next to only his gorgeous body. My husband always said I was a “happy” morning person and that morning was no…