Tonight I toasted my youngest son’s confirmation with me, myself, and I. The ceremony was really beautiful, we enjoyed a lively lunch with our family to celebrate, and at the end of the day I felt peaceful and content. So, I popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, and toasted to a joy filled day. As I poured my solo glass of bubbly, I laughed…
envy and widowhood
What I Can Do
From the minute I was told that Phil was dead I have been tortured by things I could not do. Initially, the fact that no amount of hoping, denying, praying, or screaming was going to bring him back to life haunted my days. I was obsessed with the idea that the world would be whole again only when someone with a magic wand brought me back my…
It Should Have Been Me …..
I hesitated quite a while before I wrote this post. I don’t know why …. I know without a doubt that you “get it”. Actually I do know why. It’s because I don’t want anyone to read this as a “poor me” post, or as an attempt to get sympathy. It’s not that. It’s just …. reality. And I’m ok with it.It should have been me. How many times have you…
Sweet?
I remember a time not too long ago when I couldn’t taste anything, couldn’t notice the sunshine, couldn’t appreciate the beauty in anything. Getting out of bed and making it through the day was all I could handle. As time passed, I noticed a beautiful day – the first gorgeous day I noticed was ruined by a crying fit (how could it be this beautiful…
I Honk For Love
I love LOVE. I love how it makes a person feel. I love the glow that quietly shows itself in the scrunch of your eyes or smile on one’s mouth. I love the feeling of invincibility that it instills in those who are in its grasp. And more than anything, I love when it is 100 percent, Grade A, TRUE LOVE. The kind that has no doubts or questions, the…
Still human…
I arrived back home (Cape Cod) from my vacation and the Conference on Widowhood late last night and went straight to bed, more tired than tired. This morning I got up and took a look around. The grass needed to be mowed, the garden needed to be weeded, and the house had a layer of fine dust that I couldn’t see but I knew was there. My desk was…
On being Pathetic
Sometimes I am quite certain that I am pathetic. Not only am I pathetic, but I am the pathetic-est of all. I am sure that no one anywhere is as petty, jealous or pissed off as I am. I feel like my cat Sophie must feel when she sleeps with her face jammed into her pillow. I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to hear anyone, and I especially…
Team Dippel
When my husband received his third and final cancer diagnosis in the fall of 2005, he decided to formalize his support team and designed a T-shirt that he intended to make and pass out to his posse. His shirt read: “Team Dippel, Living to Fight – Fighting to Live” on the front and on the back it read: “Fight to be Cancer Free in 2006”.