Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, mama? […]
Widowed
I Miss Him Out Loud
An old friend of ours called me this week. He calls on occasion to check in on the kids and me. Every time he calls, he asks how the house is and if I need help with anything. I have yet to accept his help or call him when something breaks. But it is nice […]
Loneliness
Gary is out today but this is a post worth re-reading that Gary did in May talking about Loneliness. As a widower, I make the effort to cultivate my friendships and acquaintances. By doing so I hope to avoid the loneliness and disconnection that seems to be pervasive. The unfavorable outcomes of loneliness are […]
Introverts: Stay in the Work
I get overwhelmed easily with “too many” of anything. Too many choices, too many words at first glance, too many ways to find my way to peace and healing. I have to back away. Take a beat. If I understood myself as an introvert earlier in my life, it is likely I could have avoided […]
Living with Triggers
After going through such a traumatic loss having anxiety and being scared or jumpy all seemed to be part of the package. A year and a half in those feelings are still there. They might not be as intense as they were a couple of months after Erik’s passing, but they continue to just lie […]
Death and Taxes
Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes, at least that is what they say. As a widow, I can also tell you that nothing complicates taxes like the death of your spouse. In April of 2021, our taxes had been prepared but we had not had to chance to sign and mail them […]
A Widowed Introvert: Part Four
How does resilience help widowed people heal? The Soaring Spirits Resilience Center research team asked widowed people to help us define resilience as it applies to the widowed experience and the results are inspiring. –Soaring Spirits Website The time I first heard about the Soaring Spirits Resilience Center in the Texas Hill Country, I wanted […]
The Potty Milestone
It’s one in a few when I get those proud parenting moments as a solo parent. I always feel as if I’m not doing enough or I’m not giving enough or I’m just not enough for them. How does one person fill the spot of two? The first week of September was potty training time […]
A Race to the Finish Line
Mario always said he, “wasn’t in a race to the finish line”, in reference to cutting his life short. As depressed as he would get, he said he didn’t want to commit suicide. In my eyes, he absolutely was in a race to the finish line by destroying his health year after year through drinking. […]
A Widowed Introvert: Part Three
RESILIENCE Resilience is the ability to withstand adversity and bounce back from difficult life events. Being resilient does not mean a person doesn’t experience stress, emotional upheaval, and suffering. Resilience involves the ability to work through emotional pain and suffering. — Katie Hurley, LCSW The quote reminds me of the Japanese proverb that says Fall […]
August Slipped Away
August has always been such a busy month in our lives. Our entire family’s birthdays. Summer plans, parties, trips…memories. This past month, mostly these past two weeks have been more of a rollercoaster than I remember last year being. This was the first August since Erik’s passing that I was less numb and more aware […]
A Widowed Introvert: Part Two
What Grief Adds to the Mix In talking with other introverts, many report that grief adds one more layer to navigate in the world. One more layer in addition to the fact that grief is overwhelming in and of itself. The introvert’s experience of grief is different…for me, it was almost an out-of-body experience. I […]