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Death and Taxes

Posted on: September 18, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes, at least that is what they say. As a widow, I can also tell you that nothing complicates taxes like the death of your spouse.

In April of 2021, our taxes had been prepared but we had not had to chance to sign and mail them yet. Then Tony died. In the middle of planning a funeral and grieving, I also had to call our tax preparer to notify them of my husbands’ death. That year the filing deadline was extended due to Covid, but I needed his death certificate to file. I worked with my preparer and followed his instructions to get an extension.

Tony death certificate wasn’t ready and in the mail until late July that year. It took somewhere upwards of 12 weeks to get that horrid piece of paper. Then I was finally able to formally file our taxes for 2020. However, that tax year keeps coming back to haunt me.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

A year later, I got an inquiry from a local city about taxes from that year. Thankfully, my preparer was able to easily handle that one.

This weekend, I received a notice from one of the states I file taxes in. The letter stated that they didn’t get my tax return from 2020. (They sure did cash my check though!) Of course, it is my responsibility to locate the old tax forms and obtain a copy of the check from my bank.

While I have no basis for the following statement – I can’t help but think this is because Tony died. Our taxes were late, confusing the system. As the male, he was the one filing as head of household and now it’s just me. It’s like the agencies can’t keep up with the changes and all the due diligence is just shoveled back onto the widow. We never received a post season tax letter before he died. After his death, I’ve received two, so it doesn’t feel like a coincidence.

Taxation issues seem to be another widow gift that just keeps giving. Something tells me I’m probably not the only one either.

Photo by Eden Constantino on Unsplash

*Because this subject is taxes, I want to over emphasize, that I am in no way giving any kind of tax advice here. I’m just as lost as the rest of you who aren’t CPAs!

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Community, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 42 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 8 and 13. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.

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