These are the hands of the man who cares for my youngest son. My former suicidal 7 year old. My newly 8 year old. The hands belong to Mark. Mark sees Ezra every Thursday. Mark and Ezra play and Ezra talks to Mark. Ezra says things like: “I’m glad everyone is treating me normal now, only I’m not normal cause I don’t have a dad. and “When my mom…
Widowed
His Love…His Gift
Do you know? Know what your love has gotten me through, lifted me above, allowed me to see and my heart to follow?I’m not sure. But one day you will know when I’m back in front of you and able to share the places your love has guided me to, and the people, the amazing people, that reminded me when all else failed, to listen to that voice, that hope…
In My Dreams
Jackie is moving into her new home this week, and so I am filling in for her today. One of our readers commented on this previous post, and after reading it myself I thought I’d share these thoughts once again. I find that every time I read something from the past…I learn a new lesson for the future. The question I am answering today is whether I…
getting my voice
We’ve moved. Our stuff is in the new house…..but the house isn’t finished. The shower doesn’t work and two of the rooms remain incomplete. Although the garbage and previous tenant’s belongings have finally been removed, we haven’t been able to unpack our stuff and claim the house as ours. We have been staying with friends until it is…
and then there’s this
Happiness has pervaded my life, before, during and after my time with liz. and since she died, it’s been my friends and family and stranger friends and music and books and travel and writing and memories and photography and baseball and cheeseburgers and beer and this blog and countless other things that have all been huge sources of happiness…
You Get What You Get ….
I’ve come to realize something over the past several years. It’s about a variation of a sentence I’ve heard over and over again. And I would bet that most of you have heard it in the not-so-distant past. I have come to hate ….. no, abhor, this sentence ….. “I could never do that.” Or better yet, “God knew that I couldn’t handle something like…
The Little Guy
Summer has started here in Texas and the heat is on. Grayson has started his series of summer camps, and we’re looking forward to our birthday trip over the 4th of July weekend. Ten years old. It’s hard to believe that my little guy will be 10. He was 5 when he lost his dad, and I was so afraid that he’d be permanently damaged by the whole…
Facing My Fears
It has been a long time since I have really shared my life with a man. Four years, ten months, and seven days to be exact. In that time I have learned to juggle life as a single parent, a single person, a sole provider, the sole tenant on my mortgage…I have become accustomed to the fact that the buck stops with me. For the last two weeks I have…
Shhhhhh!!!
Shhh! Do NOT talk about them. Do not bring them up in conversation! Pretend they don’t exist. Proper widows talk about proper topics. These two topics are socially don’t-ask-just-assume-the-best topics. Only the bold among my friends will broach the subjects.SEX and MONEY Sex with a man I like is delicious, scrumptious, enticing, drug like,…
Memorial Day is Everyday for a Military Widow
This past week I found myself in Washington, D.C. for the National Memorial Day Concert. Accompanied by some of my greatest widow friends, we spent the weekend catching up, visiting fallen loved ones at Section 60, night walks around the monuments, searching of names for our Vietnam widows and more. All in all it was a weekend above all Memorial…
moving day
In times of stress and unease, I occasionally look for quotes to use as a mantra to repeat when necessary. So tomorrow as we move from the house that we shared with my beloved best friend/husband/father of our little ones, I will be repeating yet another appropriate phrase in the hopes of easing the fear, sadness and sense of loss that this change…
here
i’ve been here, in this place. but when? was it twenty five years ago? maybe eight? yesterday?no. it was thirteen years ago. and it was almost four years ago. i was here. she was here we. we were here. but it was different. thirteen years ago it was an awkward meal with people who didn’t know me. but she made it comfortable, even fun. ……