Last week was very difficult. More than one person took issue with the way I handled an issue or a choice, and one of the questionable decisions involved my opinion about the man who killed my husband. Finding out four years later that my choice was not appreciated hit me hard. And I found myself floundering in the abyss of grief once…
Widowed Suddenly
Thanksgiving
With the holidays upon us I started creating a list of things for our organization to make this time a more bearable one. I thought I’d share it with you all:The holidays have a way of magnifying our loss and can be a difficult and confusing time of year. “What to do? How to act? How to wake up and seize the day?” are just a few of the thoughts…
on the brighter side
In a bid to exercise positive thinking, I have borrowed an idea I read on another widow’s blog (unfortunately I can’t give the widow credit as I cannot, for the life of me, find were one of my midnight rambles through the blogosphere took me – If it was you, please let me know, so I can give you credit!) and list some of…
the dvr
there are odd things around the house that trigger memories of liz.on the refrigerator, behind some mismatched magnetsis a recipe with its accompanying ingredient/grocery listanda list of thingsto do around the housebefore a dinner partythrown long-ago, (all in her hand writing).one of theworst triggers isthe goddamned dvr.a source of…
Mind Over Matter?
I used to believe in that phrase. After all, if you just tried hard enough, if you just had the right attitude, if you just pulled yourself up by your bootstraps …. your life would be better. Right? Well, this phrase worked for me until mid December of 2007.Then my life was shattered, along with my heart, and my life became “matter over mind”. …
Release
I am a teapot (minus the short and stout)…or should I say, a tea kettle.There are moments in my day, week, or month where the “pressure”/emotions inside of me become so overwhelming that they have to find some outlet to release all that is about to combust inside of my heart.Since I am unequipped with a whistling spout, in most cases it is…
mine. all mine.
I wonder how many decisions we make a day on average. Five? Fifty? Five hundred? The small ones have never been of much consequence. Brush my teeth or not? Wear pink high heels or brown loafers? Watch The Nature of Things or 22 Minutes? The larger ones are the tough ones. As a teenager, they were pretty easy. Hear what my parents had to say…and…
I Didn’t Sign Up For This …..
… but then, neither did you, right? It’s been one of those weeks … and it’s not even half way over yet! I am totally sick of being a single parent. I’m tired of having to do all of this on my own when I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing a lot of the time. Teenage boys?? That was supposed to be Jim’s job. I handled the girls and their…
Musical Monday
Much of the music that spoke to me right after Phil’s death was important because the lyrics articulated feelings I was incapable of expressing. Even now, after writing countless words about my journey through the loss of my husband, there are times when nothing communicates my inner turmoil like the phrases penned by someone else. When I first…
Why?
Why: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motiveNow we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a lifetime with our soul mates.”Why him?”, “Why me?”,”Why us?”, “Why so young?”, “Why…
the hardest part
As a widow with young children, the worst thing about parenting now is NOT watching fathers whirl their delighted little girls around in the air or push their little boys on the swings. It is NOT arriving to your child’s dance recital alone and wishing that someone was there to experience the joy and pride with you. It is NOT that you are now…
why I wear her ring
forgot to mentionwhat happenedwhen i went to the doctor with madeline, a woman sitting next to meon the phone, talking very loudly(to a presumably disinterested party)about nothing.when she hung up, she turned to me(with madeline in a carseat on my lap, anya to my right)and said, “are you wearing your wife’s rings because they don’t fit…