I am like the daffodils that are blooming in my back yard (yes they bloom 2x a year in LA. I thankfully bloom more often.)I crumble, letting the dirt and cold beat down on my brightness, making me floppy and weak, causing me to brown and shrivel. I go within too tired to care anymore. It is there I find the sustenance, the nutrients, all that I…
Widowed Suddenly
A Stocking Full of Memories
Last Christmas my family started incorporating Michael back into Christmas by filling a stocking full of gift-cards, gadgets and more that Michael would have loved….but I could use. It was heart warming to see them remember and bring to life some of his favorite things and places from memories passed.This year my family arrived and handed over…
this day
As you wake this Christmas morning, you may feel alone lying in your bed. You may feel far from your beloved that you’ve lost. You may cry and feel sorry for yourself. You may watch your children open their presents as tears roll down your cheeks. But know that we are not alone.We are all facing this together. Your loved ones are with you, if in…
Merry Memories
This Christmas the veil between where Phil is and where I am seems to be much thinner than in years past. Michelle and I once talked about the “feeling” of knowing our husbands were in the room.Michelle remarked that she wasn’t sure if knowing for sure that Daniel was right there would make her feel better or worse. If he were right next to you,…
Savor the Moments
Sometimes it seems that grief wipes out every feeling except despair. Nothing matters, no moment is free of sadness, food doesn’t taste good, family time is painful, memories are daggers to the heart, and life does not feel like a gift.But once in awhile a different feeling floats to the surface of the dark pool of loss. Maybe laughter at something…
Running With Phil
My husband LOVED to run. When we first began dating, he was training for the Los Angeles Marathon. At the time I could not imagine why anyone in their right mind would purposely run 26.2 miles, but as a newly in love girl I willingly accompanied Phil on many training runs. The upside for me was that my job only entailed riding my bike alongside…
Happy Anniversary
December 23rd will mark the four year anniversary of our love eternal. We wrote our own vows, we rocked into each other the whole ceremony, we had a moment in time where all else melted away, we sealed our devotion with a kiss.It wasn’t about the dress, venue, gifts, or cake….it was simply about our love being personified.Nearly three years of…
life without a mirror
I had a dream that I found Jeff. I was so totally overjoyed and so excited that I attempted to jump into his arms. The shock and confusion, even hostility, that he looked at me with was horrifying. He didn’t recognize me. He didn’t know me anymore.He scooped up our little ones in a tight embrace and laughed at how they’ve grown and who they are.
supposed to be
supposed to be in hawaiiwithlizthis weekend(fucking reminder popped up on my blackberry the other day to make me feel like shit).instead.i sit herethinking about nothingbut the fact thatshedied 2 months ago today.(i fucking hate the 25th now).how can i not think about it?there are too many reminders.everydayi have to look outthe picture windowin…
Coming Out on Top ….
I think I realized this week, for the first time, that I will survive this. Interesting timing, since Friday will be the 2 year deathiversary, but there ya go. I could not have said that a year ago. I didn’t want to survive it. Heck, there are still days that I don’t want to survive this, but I know I will.This grief, which is so much more than a…
Widows Rock
Last week was a whirlwind of party planning, traveling, and meeting new people who have been touched by the work of Soaring Spirits…and this blog. I attended three of the four holiday events (sorry Austin, I so wanted to be there!) planned by some amazing women, and supported by fantastic sponsors from all walks of lifeI traveled up and down…
Napping before the show….
I’m tired.I’ve miscalculated my energy for this month, which has equated to many a’naps.In the midst of the over-exertion and holiday bustle, I drained my tank with no one in sight to grab me some gas. It’s just a month of lots of everything!December 23rd will be our four year anniversary and December 27th will be my birthday…heck, and lets throw…