Somewhere between suffering that terrible first Christmas party alone and “Whoo hoo! It’s a Christmas party!” was my last weekend. This is the third holiday party season without my Angel holding my hand (and likely suggesting I wear a different shirt.) I had been dreading the holiday parties but my anticipation of misery far exceeded reality.
Widowed by Illness
Hands
A simple photo opportunity. A day in the sun. A day with the one I love. Our hands. Proof that he is here for me. Proof that he exists here in my life. Proof that he offers his hand to me. I sit here looking at this innocent photo that I took today. My hand on his. His hand at ease. His hand already used to mine finding its way over to his. …
Looking Back, Looking Forward
I am in the 7th year AD (after Daniel). The 6th anniversary was in November, and this will be our 7th Christmas without him. I was thinking the other day, as Carl, the kids and I decorated the Christmas tree, that I could never have imagined this life that first Christmas in 2005. That Christmas is a dark blur in my mind’s eye. I vaguely remember…
Bittersweet Christmas
I got up this morning with one important task to accomplish, decorate the front of the house with holiday lights. I’ve notice the number of houses in the neighborhood slowly being lit up with beautiful lights of every color. My daughter has been asking when we would show our holiday spirit by lighting up our house as well.As I don’t do anything…
Immovable Objects vs The Business of Change
The Business of Change that I started back in mid-September continues on. There’s just so much stuff to go through and just so little willpower on my part. Despite all the difficult work packing her 118 pair of shoes into boxes, only one box has made it to a new home. (I remind myself that one is better than none – and even one is still a…
It’s Us Against the World
I heard this song by Coldplay recently and it made me think of all of us. Thought I’d share it. Hugs to all of you. Don’t let go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGlqmn2HSTk Oh morning come bursting the clouds amen Lift off this blindfold let me see again Bring back the water let your ships roll in In my heart she left a hole The…
Good Bye
Good bye. Words we are familiar with. We have, in one way or another, said goodbye to spouses/partners. In tears, begging for forgiveness, in resolution. We have thought, uttered, whispered those words. Good bye. Good bye for me, now holds so much more. I get that I may not see a person again. I get that there isn’t a reason for death. It sweeps…
Thankful
Two Thanksgiving celebrations down, and one to go. It’s been an interesting couple of days. Friday night I hosted an office Thanksgiving potluck at my home. Almost every person from the office came, along with their families. There was so much food, wine and desert, and everyone was in a very good mood. Most had hoped to meet Abel, and since he had…
Hope and Rope
After a week of being less social that usual, last Friday night sucked. Really, really sucked. I have no idea what triggered the mess. I wasn’t wallowing around in old wedding pictures. I hadn’t gone back in time to read our Great Cancer Adventure blog (reading about our last days together still transforms me into a wailing mess of a man.) But…
The Fraudulent Widow
I have a confession to make. And to many of you it will sound preposterous. No doubt many of you will think that I am out of touch, delusional or didn’t have a “good” marriage. Some of you won’t believe me or won’t want to believe me. I am not of the widow crowd that believes that my husband, Art, was “my one and only love in my…
Sunday
So this is the first occasion of my newly assigned day. Sunday. A day of sun, as I see it, is a true blessing. For so many of us, worry, hardship, and the basic toll of life, can really bring us down. When the weekend is upon us, we tend to wonder how much we can get accomplished on Saturday, and how we want to spend a day of leisure on Sunday.
i dream of you
I’ve had many dreams of Jeff since his death. There are a few that are terrifying renditions of the last few minutes of his life; but the vast majority centre on seeing him again in a variety of surprising locations. I’ve found him on dairy farms slogging through the mud. I have glimpsed him on boats passing bridges that I stand upon. I have found…