This morning I awoke at exactly 4h00. It’s not entirely uncommon that I am awake around that time. But to awaken at exactly 4h00. On 30th March. The body remembers. Nineteen years ago, at that very moment, I woke up. I needed the loo. As in to poo. And I knew. Because late […]
Multiple Losses
NNTR and other attempts to influence language
Image by i-am_nah on Unsplash Back in the 1980s, and possibly into the 1990s, I was quite an avid reader of two “wimmin’s magazines” – Company and Cosmopolitan. I just looked up to see if they still exist – they do. But I am curious how I ever found any of it interesting. Perhaps it […]
“Pas Voulu Mais Choisi”
Image by Josue Michel on Unsplash 18 March 2023 I have just come back from my Saturday morning swim with the Masters. When I say, “with the Masters”, I speak rather relatively. Yes, I am part of the Masters group, and so get access to special opening times, long before the sun rises. On Saturdays […]
A Monstruous Web of Grief and Loss
Main image by Guille Pozzi on Unsplash I saw yet another film today. I am seeing rather a few at the moment. Anytime I go into town, I work out whether or not I can sneak in a film on my way home. And sometimes I can. So I just do. Late afternoon or early […]
Love Is Not Always Enough
Image by freestocks on Unsplash Last night I saw “The Son”, which I knew would be a hard film. (** Spoiler Alerts ** Don’t read if you want to see the film **) I knew from the trailer that it was about teenage struggle – possibly linked to mental health issues related to loss, gender- […]
March-ing Forth with The Memory Keepers
February was a busy time on several fronts. The local Art Gala that had taken months of committee work and preparation for me as an organizer and participating artist was a great success. The hard work, anxiety and anticipation over. Just a few days later, my brother and his wife arrived in Georgia for a […]
Conversations Without Spaces Erase Entire Lives
Main image by Red Zeppelin on Unsplash I was invited for dinner at a friend’s house last night. Medjool was also invited and joined. We so rarely get invited out as a couple. His friends invite him out, and invariably he goes without me. My friends invite me out, but without inviting him. Actually, no […]
Trains of Thought
One of the most significant milestones for those who find themselves widowed is dealing with the items that belonged to your spouse, or significant other. Some people handle that task soon after the death of their partner, others wait for months, if not years, before they can bring themselves to do it. Closets. Armoires. Desks. […]
Let’s Talk About Death Over Dinner
Image by Nadia Valko on Unsplash A couple of weeks ago I hosted a dinner where the sole focus was to talk about all things Death and Dying. (And Grief, because, heck, it’s inseparable). I had come across the concept of this kind of dinner during the months after Mike died, and decided, “Okay – […]
It’s Not About the Roses
Image by Yoksel on Unsplash It’s Valentine’s Day already in some parts of the world. I know that the date fills a number of my fellow widbuds with Horror. Or Grief. Or Sadness. Or Resentment. There’s such “noise” around Valentine’s day in (at least Anglophone) parts of the world – it’s one of those many […]
Choosing Life – A Love Letter to Julia from Paula
Photo of Paula & Julia by a school friend I wake up to a firm ray of sunlight bursting through my dormitory window on July 2nd, 2019. I can’t wait to finally see my family after what feels like years. Suddenly, an inexplicable feeling of heaviness fills my chest, making it hard to get out […]
What does hope look like for me now?
Image by precious widbud Charlotte MacNaughton – Yellowknife, Canada’s Northwest Territories (Jan 2023) Way back when, back in my life before, and soon after I had started up my business, Kaleidoscope Development, I wrote a blogpost on “Hope”. It was 21st April 2014. I actually called it, “Hope – Part One”, and a week later, […]