Lately, with the holiday season coming into full swing I’ve been feeling more and more overwhelmed. Another holiday season without Erik. Another holiday season where I’m the solo parent trying to create this magical joyful season for my kids when I feel very much the opposite. I’ve thought long and hard about scaling back Christmas. […]
Sailing the Seas
Last year after we celebrated the twins’ birthday for the first year without Erik, I realized sitting in the quiet aftermath of the party that I did not want to do this anymore moving forward. I didn’t want to throw birthday parties the way we used to, without my husband, mostly as the twins share […]
Colder Weather
With my second Thanksgiving without Erik right around the corner, I find myself getting multiple flashbacks of all our past Thanksgivings. Thanksgiving was the first time I introduced Erik to my family a decade ago. The thought of another year with an empty seat with his name on it sets in more this second time […]
Where is Daddy?
Repost! Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, […]
Fleeting Sense of Safety
Ever since Erik’s passing my sense of home and safety has been fleeting. Every second of every day my mind is constantly filled with never-ending thoughts of things that need to get done, questions about the future, re-plays of the past, worry about the what-ifs, and everything in between. One of my biggest thoughts is […]
Another Halloween Without You
Today is Halloween. Yet another holiday that Erik is no longer here for. The days leading up to any holiday always puts me in a strange mood. The anxiety levels become higher than they normally are. The feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, hope, and everything in between all seem to mix together. Something I still […]
As the Seasons Change
The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It didn’t feel complete because the most important person to […]
I Died Too
A repost worth sharing! And another grief bomb hits. Earlier this week I went on my business as I normally do. The day-to-day activities that used to feel so impossible after Erik’s passing have now just become numbingly routine. But there I was standing in the middle of a grocery store with tears down my […]
When Strangers Become Family
Early last week a widow friend texted our widow group chat that was started after Camp Widow San Diego. She had shared with us that she needed to go to the hospital for her daughter. I was driving as I read this text and immediately my heart dropped for her. It took me right back […]
Putting You to Rest
Lately, time has seemed to tick by so fast, mostly during these ‘ber’ months. Something this past weekend made me realize how quickly the twins are growing up and how it just feels like each month is slipping away, yet my mind still takes me back to those early months after Erik passed. This time […]
Where is Daddy?
Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, mama? […]
Living with Triggers
After going through such a traumatic loss having anxiety and being scared or jumpy all seemed to be part of the package. A year and a half in those feelings are still there. They might not be as intense as they were a couple of months after Erik’s passing, but they continue to just lie […]