I sometimes wonder what would happen if all the wishes people made on stars came true. Where would my life be today if my whims were met by the imaginary wish granter in the sky who hears the things our hearts whisper when we witness those flashes of light across the night sky? One thing is certain, my heart has definitely not been whispering over…
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On My Way……
On my way to North Carolina, to sit next to a widowed fiancée who called our hotline and wanted another widow by her side, I stopped in Atlanta. With all the travels I’ve been doing the past year I have come to terms with the face that I will see numerous amounts of men and women in ACUs. Today was the same. As I stood at the gate my ACU radar…
Ouch
I have been on my back for the last 3 weeks or so, nursing an inflamed sacroiliac joint. What a pain! Literally. Every turn and twist, every journey to the bathroom (all of 25 painful feet) and every trek to the kitchen elicits mild and not-so-mild expletives. Thankfully, my daughter is in school and the walls are my only witness. Of course, lots…
Finding Our Way
(Editor’s note: Janine will be away for the next two weeks and we are happy to welcome visiting contributor Colleen Phillips as our Wednesday blogger in her absence. Thanks Colleen!) A warm hello. Since Rory died almost 5 years ago, it seems as if we have been trying to find our way, figure things out and be a family of “2”. Ryan, my son, had…
Do I Want a New Happy Place?
For the past ten years, my vision of my happy place has been the same: a tiny beach on the island of Caye Caulker, Belize. Daniel and I spent 14 fantastic days there in the summer of 1999. At the worst of times when I have wanted to scream “calgon take me away”…this little oasis is the picture in my mind’s eye. I haven’t been back there since…
Sometimes Healing Hurts
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly. But what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
As Promised… Question #19
When did you clean out your husband’s closet? (For our new readers: Over the past several years I have interviewed many widows about their day-to-day life after the loss of their husbands. I asked all of the women I spoke to the same fifty questions, all practical inquiries about everyday life. Many readers have asked me to share my answers to…
Shovel Time
I made the choice to go into my office to throw the bundles of trash I have stacked in different places all over the room. One bag had a can of his dip that he left over R&R, bundles of every receipt from when he was here, and the lip gloss I wore when I was able to kiss his lips. I got through many of the boxes which led me to the closet…the…
On being Pathetic
Sometimes I am quite certain that I am pathetic. Not only am I pathetic, but I am the pathetic-est of all. I am sure that no one anywhere is as petty, jealous or pissed off as I am. I feel like my cat Sophie must feel when she sleeps with her face jammed into her pillow. I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to hear anyone, and I especially…
I can’t stop thinking about David.
Not that I actually try. But today it’s more like he is ALL I’m thinking about. Even when his beauty fills my mind I can’t help but feel partial. Like someone tore off my legs and somehow…I’m still living. I’ve wondered from day one (of widowhood) how long I’d survive this life. “Time” I no longer understand nor try to comprehend. I can…
A Lighter Shade of Grey ….
Today’s post is really for all of the “newer” women who are on this path …… the one we didn’t want to be on, the club we didn’t want to join. I was trying to think of what to say to a new friend whose husband died a few months ago. She is in the middle of what I call the “black”. I am not a veteran in this process, by any stretch of the…
Grateful (me, mom, and grandma in the pic)
This past weekend was my fourth Mother’s Day without Daniel. The last three have been very difficult for me, and had I had time to think about it, I would have dreaded this one too. Oddly enough I was too busy to think about whether the weekend would be hard or not. It was hard in a different way this year. I missed him, as I usually do, but it was…