How Do You Prepare Someone ….for the loss of their spouse? The answer is easy. You can’t. Oh, you can tell them to get their finances in order, to say “I love you” a million times, to make sure their name is on everything from the mortgage to the utility bills, but how can you prepare their heart? It’s impossible.I recently “met” a woman who…
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Better Start Living Right Now
It’s a musical Tuesday. I’ve listened to this song countless times, but today, after a very hectic day at work, the words were almost hammering themselves into my brain – in a good way 🙂 Sometimes a reminder of what’s important and how quickly it all passes is a good thing. Trying to slow down, and stop to smell the roses (and sip a glass of…
I Just Need to Tell You Something
Hi honey, You are probably wondering why I am writing this letter. Usually I save the letter writing for the anniversary of the day you died, sort of a look back on the year gone by, but today I ran into D at the grocery store and realized that there are still some stories that only you would understand. Since the celestial phone appears to be out…
The Positive Side of Awful
I hate that I have learned so much, and have become a better person, because of Lisa’s death. And I am not patting myself on the back, I truly hate that I am better and have learned so much because of her death. I want her back more than ever so I can show her how much better I am. We would have a better marriage, because I now understand the…
Charlie
I’ll never forget the night I got the news…. Charlie had cancer.The dog that has been my best friend through life’s most painful tribulations. The dog that greeted me at our patio every day back from college. The dog that has never run out of love to give with his kisses and a simple tail wag. The dog that is the son to Michael and I. The dog…
who you were
Some of the fishing companies that Jeff had worked for would provide jackets for the crew with their name embroidered on the shoulder. Once when asked what Jeff wanted marked on his sleeve (he had a plethora of nicknames that could have been used in his name’s stead), he had remarked, “Just Jeff”. When his coat arrived with “Just Jeff” scribed upon…
another week.
different circumstances, but for the second week in a row i had to face my past. while i discussed my past.from the 10th floor i could see 573 1/2 & 6001. (they’re there in the distance). 5 years in those spots planning for, and working toward a future that only i would see. years earlier, through the windows of 573 1/2 & 6001, i looked…
Because I Knew You …..
….. I have been changed. “For Good”. This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals. Yesterday, for the first time in over three years ….. I could hear it, and sing with it, without crying. Not just tears-trickling-crying, but great, huge, gut-wrenching sobs-crying. For. The. First. Time. I have been changed. For good? Yes,…
Special Cargo – Handle with Care
Like it was yesterday, I remember the night Daniel died and the drive home from the hospital. The drive home to G, who was innocently sleeping, still unaware that life as he knew it had radically altered. I remember talking myself through telling him what had happened. I remember feeling so sick to my stomach and so anxious. I knew that the next…
Shades of Blue
Blue has never been my color. I prefer to wear shades of grey, black or tan, although they are usually offset by my blue jeans. Blue has never been a color that I use in decorating my home, as it doesn’t do much for me.So, why then, have I chosen to wear these blue “shades” all the time? I have nothing against the color mind you. Actually, I used…
On A Four Star Floor
I’m sitting on the floor of a four star hotel (paid for with Amex points) I’m crying and I can’t seem to stop.This is not how I wanted this break to go. I wanted it to be about rejuvenation and rest and self-love. Instead it feels, right now, like it’s about not-enoughness and loss and fucking grief. It feels like it’s about transition and…
I Smile
I must say, with each passing year it’s as if another layer of sludge is washed away from my life….The life that began the day Michael was killed. I life I used to loathe to the core of my being. But for once, I’ve been watching, I’ve been learning. I’ve been trying to understand that which I don’t, and yet, with no answers I smile with the…