…… I originally wrote this post 4 months after Jim died ….. exactly one month before what would have been our 25th anniversary.  What. Would. Have. Been.
So very many “what would have beens’ over the past 3 years.
Anyway, I was looking through some of my older posts and thought I’d share this one with you.

I have heard it said that if you just pray for God to be in control of your life, and then are willing to accept whatever He wills, things will be just fine.
   REALLY?!! 
You really think so? Some people make Christianity sound so easy and simple …. so neat and tidy. 
Well, I beg to differ. And I should know. When Christians make such trite (though well-meaning, I’m sure) statements, I want to ask “Really?! What the hell has ever happened in your life that would give you the experience to say that?” 
Because I think I can guarantee you that anyone who has had their life turned completely upside down, anyone who has had their life ripped out from underneath them, anyone who has been knocked to the ground — no, knocked into a huge, bottomless pit, would never say something like that. 
There is nothing neat and tidy about life or about following Christ. And just because we daily TRY (I say “try” because if you’ve managed to succeed at this then you should definitely write a book to help out the rest of us) to turn everything over to God doesn’t mean that everything will turn out “fine”. 
Sometimes you can turn things over and still end up in a pit.

I used to think otherwise …. “before”. 
I thought my life was neat and tidy. It seemed to be, mostly (as neat and tidy as it can by with 6 kids). So I have probably said those trite things. And if any one of you have ever been on the receiving end of those words …… I’m very sorry.I didn’t know what I was talking about.
I know that I have had a very blessed life ….. “before” and “after”. 
I know that I am still being blessed. Jim was a wonderful husband, father and provider. He did a great job. 

There are many women in my shoes who aren’t as well provided for. I thank God and Jim for that every day. I did lose my best friend and soul-mate and heart, but things could be so, so much worse. 
I say this so that you will know that I do see that side of my life. It isn’t always as dark as it once was. 
Not always. 

I’m not sure why I wrote this post (heck, I’m mostly never sure why I write anything!). 
I guess it’s just to say, please be careful when you speak. Especially when giving your views on God and life and “why”. 
Sometimes we will never, ever know why.

Ever.