“Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be…Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.”-Erich Fromm Tomorrow I share a part of my life known by few…and figured I’d follow it up by…
Blog
Screw February
February is my landmine month and the only way I think I can make it through is chin down, teeth bared and feet moving. So far, it’s been a blur. February 14th is my 42ndbirthday. I cringe at the idea of celebrating without my sweet wife but time doesn’t stop, whether I want to recognize it or not. My 40th was my first birthday after…
Crocodiles and other absurdities
I live in our little house physically alone aside from my two young children and our pets. All the belongings in this home are ours and paint a vivid and accurate picture of who is housed within these walls. But if you were to dig deep enough within cupboards and closets, you would items and articles that seemed at odds with these inhabitants and…
Of All The Feelings in The World ….
…. I hate rage the most.Or at least it’s in the top 3.Pity might be number 1.It’s an exhausting emotion and it leads people to make very bad, very poor choices while they are in it. And you mostly feel worse afterwards. Rage has been a regular visitor at my house over the last 2 weeks.I will not bore you with all of the horrid “teenage vs.
Candle-light
I was blind-sided by grief a few times yesterday…..that intense feeling that someone is missing…..that subconscious lightening in my heart when I thought I caught a glimpse of him in the shed before I remembered…..looking at my kids who aren’t supposed to be growing up without their Daddy.I was tired and feeling overwhelmed at the amount of…
2012
Holy smokes, Batman. 2000 freakin’ 12. I don’t quite know how to simply describe 2011 or simply describe what I hope 2012 to be.I feel I’ve excelled. I feel I’ve failed. I feel I’ve laughed more. I feel I’ve been disappointed more. I feel I’ve grown. I feel I’ve shrunk. I feel I’ve exceeded my expectations. I feel like I haven’t done enough. I…
Dodging Bullets on New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve is my #1 most difficult holiday. More than Christmas, more than Halloween and more than Maggie’s birthday weekend (2nd weekend in December.) Saturday will mark the third without a midnight Maggie-and-Chris lip lock. It’s difficult to imagine kissing someone else on that day and at that time since her lips are the only ones…
Aging Gratefully
Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old, three years older than Phil was when he died six years ago (crazy to think he would be 46 right now!). My first birthday without him I remember wishing time could just stand still. I didn’t want to age without him;I didn’t want to celebrate being alive with birthday songs and presents; and I didn’t want to…
Is It Just Me ….
…. or does anyone else ever feel like moving away and starting over? From everyone that knew them “before” …. and from all of those friends who can’t seem to see you as anything but “different” ….. and it all seems to get worse as time goes on? I have now passed the 4 year mark. This is my life. I am no longer married. I am single. I get…
2 down, 48 to go…
Christmases without Greg, that is. Given my long-lived female relatives, I know I can expect to see the age of 90 if not 100 years old. (Longevity seems to be a heritable trait in my family … as does early widowhood.) Which means 48 more Christmases to endure even with the more conservative estimate…. …and I don’t want to do another single…
I Think I Do
It’s so strange how much easier the holidays were than I expected. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy, just easier than expected. I’ve been feeling almost spooked by the lack of horrific pain I’ve felt in the last week or so leading up to Christmas.For one thing, Dave and I never made a big deal out of Christmas. We’d hit his parents’…
Speaking to the Ghost of Christmas Past
The day Phil died, my world was irrevocably changed. No amount of crying, wishing, or begging could switch my new reality back to the reality of what seems like only moments ago. The first Christmas without him, I sat on the coach alone watching the kids open gifts that only I chose, purchased, wrapped, and stowed under the tree…barely able to…