I’ll start today with a few toasts to the holidays! Cheers! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! and drum roll please…..Death still Sucks! Two more days til Christmas, and as usual….I’m not ready yet. I still have a shopping list, I’ve still not wrapped my gifts, and I haven’t watched all the movies I want to see or drank all the eggnog in the…
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Sticky Toffee
I’m on my way to pick up the kids at preschool and decide to stop at Panera to grab a decaf with extra, extra cream and no sugar. I wait in line thinking about all that I have accomplished in my kid-free two and a half hours when I hear the woman in front of me order a Sticky Toffee cookie. I’m transported back in time.I’m in England…
A Date By Any Other Name ….
(Post pre-explanation & warning: I wrote this post for my personal blog …. on Sunday, the 18th, the 4th year date of Jim’s death. This date, this year, was no easier for me than the previous 3. I still cried. I still wished that I were the one who was not left behind. I am still crying, and I think I may forever be wishing. And yet…
Things I don’t miss about Christmas
Warning – my brand of humour follows. I think I’m funny. You may disagree. I feel short-changed. For years, we would debate about whose family home we would spend Christmas in. …. my parent’s home with their clean, relatively modern furniture, good food, great company and pleasant atmosphere … or with his large, loud, argumentative family…
My Dreams
I’ve been haunted by anxiety lately. Everything feels so unsettled right now. Someone extremely close to my heart is facing a scary health problem. I’m forging ahead in this new life, not knowing what I’m doing or where I’m going. The holidays are looming. I wake up several times a night with a racing heart and mind. My thoughts immediately go to…
Open Wound
I wish I could report days of happiness and joy. But I can’t. I feel like I am walking around with an open wound. It’s been like this throughout the whole holiday season. This year feels worse than the past two years. Why am I crying so much? I suppose I can answer my own question. Michael loved Christmas. He loved Christmas not because he had so…
With You
I’m stubborn. I’m sarcastic. I say things like I see them. I bottle up my emotions. I’m a fireball. He was laid back. He laughed at my sarcasm. He’d correct me when I was wrong. He made me express my emotions. He cooled me down when things got hot. Michael was most definitely not the same as me. He was the opposite. He was perfect for someone like…
Christmas Parties: Third Time’s The Charm
Somewhere between suffering that terrible first Christmas party alone and “Whoo hoo! It’s a Christmas party!” was my last weekend. This is the third holiday party season without my Angel holding my hand (and likely suggesting I wear a different shirt.) I had been dreading the holiday parties but my anticipation of misery far exceeded reality.
why Christmas concerts suck
I have been working really hard at being upbeat and positive this Christmas. I consciously remind myself of the wonderful things in my life – amazing kids, great friends, a rewarding job, an amazing community, etc. I don’t want to whine. I certainly don’t wish to have others internally groan and roll their eyes if I talk about how lame the holidays…
How Can I Ensure That December ….
…. is a month to remember? Truth be told, it wasn’t all that difficult. All I did was agree to have surgery today. And then, to make it even MORE memorable …. I agreed to have my middle son’s wisdom teeth extracted. Today. Yes, as in …. today, the 14th of December ….. both procedures. I guess that’s one way to ring in the “death day” of my…
That look.
You know the one. The one that your spouse would give you and you’d feel that strong connection like a bolt to your heart. I miss getting that look. That very first shy grin when we met … and instantly, we both felt that zing of one soul recognising another. The glowing face that was a result of just looking at me. Greg would just beam at me in…
Withdrawal
Time is healing me, I suppose, but it’s also taking me further and further away from Dave. Each day that passes is more time without the love, comfort and stability he so freely gave me. As the days pile up, I’m going more and more crazy for the comfort a loving spouse can bring. It’s been so long since he’s told me he loves me, wrapped his arms…