The weather is warming up here in sunny Queensland, Australia, with Spring in full swing and Summer just around the corner. Last weekend I popped over to visit my sister and her family, who live a few streets away, and they’d just enjoyed their very first swim in their brand new backyard pool. The sun was getting ready to set, casting its…
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Choices
Dear Readers, I am warning you ahead of time; this post is going to be a huge, scrambled, all over the place, chaotic, messy, unfocused clusterf**k of nothing. Or something. I don’t even know. But when you’re done reading it, and you say to yourself: What the hell was THAT? – Well, I told ya so. Last week, I wrote in here from the lobby of the…
Junk Mail
Today I grabbed the mail from the mailbox, saw it was mostly junk, and tossed it on the floor of my car as I sped off downtown for a few errands. Stopped at a stoplight I looked down and noticed a flyer from our local vision center which said brightly, we miss seeing you! Specials now…etc, etc. I thought for a moment…huh. They miss me? I…
Mission Accomplished
My Odyssey of Love has brought me and my daughter to New Jersey, where my and Chuck’s primary community lives. We’re here for a few weeks, catching up with friends. It’s tough being here; Chuck had his first cancer here and all the treatments and there is so much pain and grief. And there is, also, so much love. It has been my intent since…
Rest
I’m sitting here incapacitated, writing my post while implementing the RICE acronym for injuries. On Saturday while working in the garden as John played under a sprinkler, I tripped over something I knew was in the lawn. Because I’ve not yet got to mowing, the stand for my sun shade has been hidden by the long grass. Whilst trying to…
Constant Companion
I was listening to a Moth podcast tonight in which a funeral home director talked about his long history of burying people’s loved ones. He said he believed that when we die, we go home. I thought that sounded so beautiful and comforting. I wonder, when I die, what Dave would think of me when I came home? What would that reunion be like? Would it…
And I Danced
It turns out I had a couple of big things happen last weekend. Aside from last week’s post, I also met up with my three closest girlfriends halfway between Austin and Dallas to celebrate my birthday. We went out Saturday night to a country dance hall. Now this is the first time I’ve ever really gone to a dance hall since he died. He and I used to…
His Widow and His Wife
I was invited to a wedding this week, one of my husband Dan’s good friends is marrying his long-time love. They live in a different state and I only got to meet them a couple of times while Dan was alive, at our engagement party and our wedding. Since his funeral I’ve also caught up with them at a fundraising event we held on his birthday, in March…
Rebirth on my Birthday
It is 12:40 a.m. east coast time, on Friday, September 26th, and I am writing this blog piece from the Marriott hotel in downtown Toronto, Canada. I am here for Camp Widow, getting set to give my comedy presentation for the 5th time in a row. Sitting in the lobby where the Wi-fi is free on my laptop, exhausted after an almost 12 hour train ride…
Counting Time
Today is 19 months and one week since Mike died. How long am I going to count like this? Forever? Is this just the widowed way to measure time? I seem unable to think about it any other way, and I have yet to hear any other widow’s experience being any different. So many of my conversations these days start with either when Mike was alive… or…
All to Myself
Right from a young age, Ian encouraged co-sleeping with John. Ian always wanted him close. It was a habit I personally wasn’t keen on, but let it slide. Once they were both asleep (like in this photo), I’d take Ian’s glasses off, and move John to his crib. Since it was the easiest way to calm John, I maintained that habit once Ian got sick and…
Oh Yes, I’m Running
Our younger son asked me recently, in reference to this full-time life on the road that I’m living, if I’m doing this as a way of running away from the pain and grief. It’s a legitimate question and something I’ve pondered over the last 9 months. He and I spoke frankly about the possibility and I was able to reassure him that it isn’t the case. If…