Catch up on part I and part II. This is the last part. But it will be long. Katherine’s birth had a profound effect on me. The reality that Mike was gone forever, never to know his beautiful granddaughter, cast a shadow over what should have been simply a joyous event. I was devastated thinking of this little girl growing up without Mike’s…
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What I Knew, But Don’t Now~
After my mom and brother died within 6 months of each other, back in 1996,I took a year to grieve and then began volunteering with hospice. Over time I studied and took courses on end-of-life issues, bereavement support, spent time with those who were dying, and became formally employed with various hospices. I volunteered at Liberty State Park…
Third Time Round
I’m into year four…Sunday marked the third anniversary of Ian’s passing. And like all other anniversaries so far this year, it wasn’t too bad. There was some sadness which I didn’t have with the other significant dates, but it wasn’t overwhelming, and was shared with friends of ours from church. I had no anxiety which I’ve had with…
Room for What Comes
Last weekend, I climbed a mountain with my sangha friends to honour my husband and to raise money for a fund set up in his name. I came home from that mountain imbued with a new courage. My hike up that trail, under the most adverse conditions, has helped me to let go of the fears I have had around conquering other obstacles in my life. I have…
From Three Years
This weekend marks three years since that terrible day. Three years since I lost my best friend and the love of my life. Suddenly. Without warning. I have also now lived the same amount of time without him as I shared with him… and going forward will mean increasing that gap. I remember dreading this day constantly through the first year. I…
My Husband, My Blessing
This has been an emotional week for me. Tuesday would have been our second wedding anniversary and as I looked back at the stunning photographs of our beautiful day, my heart was filled with a complicated mixture of happiness and sorrow. Over the past few months, I’ve been doing such a good job of living in the ‘now’ that I haven’t made…
Around the Corner
On July 12th, 2011, during another ordinary day in my previous life, I could have never in a zillion years predicted or seen coming that only hours later, my husband would leave for work and never return again. I could NOT have foreseen that he would be sitting at the computer desk in our bedroom one minute, and the next morning,I would be jarred…
The Musician: Part II
f you missed it, catch part I here before reading on. As I said last week: once he moved in, I didn’t give my new tenant much more thought for quite some time. He paid his rent and was really very quiet, considering, and that’s all that mattered. But sometimes, as the weeks and months wore on, I found myself waiting until I heard his car…
Signs. Believing and…Not~
Chuck used to say to me Miller, get out of your head. You think too much.I still think too much. And you know what I think about most often? Signs. Those signs that we look for after our dearly loved one dies. The signs that everyone assures us are messages from our loved ones. In my head I can totally make logic of many of the signs that, if I…
New Paths to Mindfulness
Had you asked me a few months ago what the best way for me to cope with losing Megan was, I would have immediately told you it was being out in nature. There was no alternative for me. I needed to be in the woods, away from people and cell phone service. Someplace I could be quiet and think. It was a meditative place of my own, that I never…
Making It To The Top
Tomorrow, the day after this posting, marks the first anniversary of my beloved husband’s death. I can hardly believe it is true. One year. It feels like yesterday. It feels like a lifetime ago. So much has changed since he died. I have done many things, in spite of my crushing grief. I have visited my home neighbourhood in Indiana, and sat with…
Colors of Love
I’m writing this the night before celebrating my third anniversary without Drew. By the time you read it, I will likely be somewhere in the middle of the day itself. I don’t have to tell any of you how surreal it feels to be here – celebrating our three years together after three years without him. It has a different kind of sadness…