Growing up in Virginia my parents always had a lovely garden. They still do, actually. Every year they compost and dig and plant and in the summers appear beautiful tomatoes, beans, eggplants, lettuce and lots of other things. I wasn’t much into digging in the dirt when I was a kid though, so when I moved into my first house with Mike in Los…
widowed self-care
Back to Basics
It still shocks me how totally ignorant I was about the grieving process before having to go through it myself. I’ve been at this for ten months, as of today, and I still don’t really understand it. All I know is one minute I can be laughing at a joke; or smiling at strangers as I walk down the street; or excitedly making plans for a holiday; or…
Looking After Me
There’s someone I’ve been neglecting for the past 3.5 years. She is strong, but has infrequent, spectacular meltdowns due to the ….(there is no word to describe this but widows know the feeling) …. of it all. She loves hard, but falls hard. She picks herself back up again, dusts herself off and keeps going. She takes every sling and…
Hakomi
Every time I dissolve into tears and those tears, instead of cleansing, dissolve into more tears and a spiral down into depression and anxiety, I realize I’m worrying about the same things. I’m stuck. It’s the SSDD syndrome: Same Shit, Different Day. I KNOW worrying about the future is pointless. I KNOW accepting myself is crucial. I KNOW I’ll…
Insomnia
Ugh. Insomnia. We have been enemies friends for six very long years. I have tried sleeping pills. I have tried everything natural. I’ve tried having a normal routine. I’ve tried to not let myself lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for longer than 30 minutes before I get up and read, take a hot shower, attempt something to help me sleep. …
Invincible
You know that feeling…. You can do it all. Conquer it all. Get through it all. You enter any situation or place almost as if you own the joint, simply because they’re by your side. All is right. All that isn’t, will soon be. You’re safe. All is sound. You have the unquestionable and unshakeable knowledge that you are deeply loved. For all…
Phoenix
Last Wednesday I had a session with an amazing healer right when I thought I couldn’t go another step in this life without something major happening to lighten the pain I was experiencing in my heart and soul.I had hit a wall and wanted to be done feeling heartbroken and sorrowful, uncomfortable in my own skin and completely terrified by the…