Dear Wonderful Widows. Grieving is a self-centered act. It must be. It requires paying attention to one’s own broken heart, taking the time needed to adjust to a very different existence, and learning to live in a changed world. Grieving requires self-care. This is especially true for widows with children. We eventually find that the only way our…
widowed by cancer
Bitter
About three years ago I started joking with Michele that I wanted to wear a black t-shirt with word “bitter” printed on it to identify myself as a bitter widow. She refused to let me, more out of fear of the reaction of my poor grieving family members than anything else, but her point was well taken. Wearing the bitter t-shirt would only be funny…
My Cat Sophie
Every day I get up at 5 AM, put on my bathrobe and head to the kitchen where I make my first cup of good, strong, coffee. Cup in hand, I return to my bed, slide between the covers and sip, doing my best to make my coffee last as long as possible. I love this time of day. It feels decadent to do nothing but ponder the hours ahead. Now that it is…
An Opportunity to be…
Grayson and I watched the movie “Evan Almighty” this weekend. I’ve seen it once before, but a certain scene really struck me this time. Morgan Freeman, as God, is explaining to a woman how prayers work. “If you pray for patience, God does not GIVE you patience, but gives you the OPPORTUNITY to be patient.” I went to bed with thoughts of my own…
Embracing Life
I’m in Bloomington Illinois today to watch Michele, my WSM (love that Taryn!), receive one of the 2009 Embrace Life Awards presented each year by State Farm Insurance. The program recognizes people who have suffered the loss of a loved one and tried to make it into something positive. Obviously, Michele fits the bill perfectly. The recipients…
Good(?) Grief
Dear Wonderful Widows! Clients often ask me if I can recommend books – books that will help them understand their grief and help them feel less alone. There are many such books available.I don’t know about you, but when I was a new widow I was unable to concentrate long enough to read much of anything so I needed books that were easy to read and…
In Sickness and in Health
I have many memories of hospitals from the months of Daniel’s cancer treatment. I was at every appointment, every procedure, in some cases I was Daniel’s voice because the nurses and doctors weren’t always patient enough to understand his altered speech. I remember him telling me how much he appreciated me being there, and how much it meant to him…
Still Looking for Signs
The weather on the day of Daniel’s funeral was spectacular. It was early November, 75 degrees and beautifully sunny. When they covered his grave, all of the funeral flowers were placed on top of it. Although the service was long over, family and friends still lingered, and no one seemed ready to leave. I know for me it was a finality I wasn’t yet…
I saw him…
I saw him. Seven months after he died, I saw him. I was standing outside the Coffee Obsession, and I swear to God, I saw him. It was Mike. He was about three blocks away and talking to a lady. I couldn’t see who she was, but it looked like he was giving her directions as he pointed down the street. I stood frozen. I knew it wasn’t him. It…
Birthday Thoughts
Tomorrow is Daniel’s 39th birthday. I haven’t seen him since he was 35, and that thought surprises me in a way that seems ridiculous. I know he’s been gone three and a half years, but not seeing him since he was 35? “Inconceivable!” The passage of time is a mystery to me. There are moments when it seems like he just left, and others when it feels…
Widows Loving Again
Dear Wonderful Widow. What did it feel like the first time someone reassured you that you would find love again, that you would find another man, and that it was just a matter of time? The first person who mentioned the possibility of a new love to me, well, I wanted to break her legs. Ok, maybe this is a little extreme, but it was only a few…
Team Dippel
When my husband received his third and final cancer diagnosis in the fall of 2005, he decided to formalize his support team and designed a T-shirt that he intended to make and pass out to his posse. His shirt read: “Team Dippel, Living to Fight – Fighting to Live” on the front and on the back it read: “Fight to be Cancer Free in 2006”.