I feel honored to be a part of this special writer’s club that gets to speak and type my voice on this blog. I really do. I am one of seven voices, and that feels really nice, that people would even be interested in hearing or reading what I have to say. But sometimes, Sometimes I feel as if I am typing into a great big void of nothingness.
Widowed Suddenly
Waiting
I think I’m confused. Am I actually doing better? Have I turned a very large corner? Is the worst of this hell actually behind me? Or is there no such thing as that being true? Am I about to set myself up for a ginormous fall? Like I said, I think I’m confused.Last Sunday was the 3 year death anniversary. I wrote about it in here last week. I was…
Sunrise
So, last week, you may have noticed that my post was strangely invisible in here. Yeah. That is because I totally forgot to write one. I realized this fact somewhere around the time when my name was being called out loud by my friend and Soaring Spirits board member Janine. We were in San Diego. At Camp Widow West. At the Saturday night formal…
Seeds of Change
Growing up in Virginia my parents always had a lovely garden. They still do, actually. Every year they compost and dig and plant and in the summers appear beautiful tomatoes, beans, eggplants, lettuce and lots of other things. I wasn’t much into digging in the dirt when I was a kid though, so when I moved into my first house with Mike in Los…
Fear Armor
My guy is currently on his way to learn to paraglide. I couldn’t go with him because of a prior engagement so I’m waiting to hear that he is back on the ground. I know he’s more likely to die in a car crash than on this contraption in the air today, but many things could go wrong. Most likely they won’t, but they could. I’ll be anxious, but only in…
A World of Support: Camp Widow
When I found the Soaring Spirits International website, just after I’d finally gone online with my story and shortly before I became one of the seven widow’s blogging here at Widow’s Voice, I found a deep solace in the smiling faces on the photos of past events at Camp Widow. Here was a group of people dedicated to a beautiful community of…
Battle On
I have to thank everyone for all the incredible responses to my post last week. You warmed my heart and really helped me to feel a bit more okay with all of this mess – and a bit less alone. Trying to welcome a new life is SO not easy, but its a heck of a lot easier with friends like all of you. You encourage me to be honest with where I am at on…
Gone on the Fourth of July-Again
So, today is the 4th of July. I do not have any plans. In exactly 9 days from now, on July 13th, it will be the 3-year anniversary of Don’s sudden death. I think that what happened is that I got so anxious and determined to make sure I had a plan for that day, that I completely forgot about the major holiday that comes the week before, and all the…
Alien Life
My life feels surreal. A year and a half ago things were purring along with a familiar rhythm. My days were kind of predictable. I was married. I had a house. Things to do. People to take care of. Routines. I felt in control. Ha, laughed the universe. Now I feel like an alien being..like I was transported to some other planet after…
A New Word…
…… that describes what I am. Much better than the old, much-hated word. I think it’s very interesting that the hatred of that word is almost universal. Men hate it as much as women do. The word? Any version of “widow”. Did you hate that word when you first found yourself described as one? I can remember the first time I heard it …… the…
Mysterious Waters
I spent a day unearthing minute details of Dave’s death the other day. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. The manner in which his death was hastened has a lot to do with the care he had and that has led to an investigation of sorts. It came to a head last week and I felt the physical blow which accompanies the rehashing of the day he…
Fitting Two Worlds Together
“It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life For me And I’m feeling good” Don’t we ALL wish it was that simple?? Since coming home from my trip to Hawaii a few weeks ago, things have been rough. I wrote a post here trying to glean some of the positives from everything as of late – but really what I think I need to talk about is how freaking…