I am crying tonight, because Joan Rivers has died.I did not know her. I have never met her. She was not my friend. But something, many things actually, about her, resonated with me – and so I felt this unspoken kinship with her. Female. Comedian. Widow. Those are all me. Those are all Joan. As a woman, I identified with and respected like hell her…
Widowed Suddenly
A Powerful Irony
Dearest Pepe, This week you’ve been on my heart minute to minute as the anniversary of our final kiss has loomed large. Flashes of the last week we shared as husband and wife have been spontaneously popping into my head with surprising clarity. There is no rhyme or reason to these recollections, and the bittersweetness of memory has both…
Spirit
Living with the loss of partner, or any great loss, is one of the most challenging things we will ever face in life. It sends us on a journey through the fire – into a darkness the likes of which we have never experienced before. It brings us to our knees and breaks us. Severely. I certainly remember this feeling well. Before my fiancé died, I…
Time Piece
I never forget that I’m a widow. I never forget that my husband is dead forever. I never forget my reality. But … There are times. Moments. Feelings. There is being with my family, staying at my parent’s house, like this weekend, and getting lost inside of something that is beyond my widowhood – something that sees far past my life without my…
To Be the Giver
Every once in a while, something slams into us without warning. On a hot summer night two years ago, it was the phone call, with my father-in-law on the other end of the line telling me that the love of my life was in a crash while flying, and he didn’t make it. His death slammed into me like two planets colliding. And then this week, on another…
Robin Williams and The Door
As heartbroken as I am about the death of Robin Williams, I am not entirely shocked. Not entirely. I recall about 4 or 5 months ago maybe, seeing him as a guest on some late night talk show. (cannot remember which one) I remember distinctly thinking to myself that he looked exhausted, withdrawn, and old. Not old in the way that he got gray hair…
Carry On, Phenomenon
It’s been a while since I’ve cried like I did tonight. And it wasn’t because of anything profound happening. It was just because of a movie. I went out to see The Hundred Foot Journey. It was a beautiful movie and a well-told story. And I am a big foodie, so I always love a movie that bubbles with a deep, soulful love of food. The part that really…
Party of One
I go to a lot of places alone. I have never had a problem with spending time alone, even before my husband died. I moved out of small town Massachusetts when I was 18 years old, to NYC, to go to Theatre school and pursue a career in acting and comedy. After having roommates for years on end, I lived by myself for 4 years in an apartment in New…
The Away Letters: Finding a way
When he left for the trip he never returned from, we began writing letters to each other. Despite the fact that we also talked on the phone every night, we wanted to have the letters as a reminder of these times. Neither of us ever knew that he’d not make it back from that first flying contract. Neither of us knew we would only exchange three away…
Boomerang
I feel honored to be a part of this special writer’s club that gets to speak and type my voice on this blog. I really do. I am one of seven voices, and that feels really nice, that people would even be interested in hearing or reading what I have to say. But sometimes, Sometimes I feel as if I am typing into a great big void of nothingness.
Waiting
I think I’m confused. Am I actually doing better? Have I turned a very large corner? Is the worst of this hell actually behind me? Or is there no such thing as that being true? Am I about to set myself up for a ginormous fall? Like I said, I think I’m confused.Last Sunday was the 3 year death anniversary. I wrote about it in here last week. I was…
Sunrise
So, last week, you may have noticed that my post was strangely invisible in here. Yeah. That is because I totally forgot to write one. I realized this fact somewhere around the time when my name was being called out loud by my friend and Soaring Spirits board member Janine. We were in San Diego. At Camp Widow West. At the Saturday night formal…