Last Friday our local Kona Hospice hosted their annual Circle of Remembrance event at Hulihe’e Palace. I didn’t go last year; I think it was all just too raw for me then, but this year I felt myself drawn there. I’ve been taking part in their grief counseling services for over a year now which is free for spouse and child loss. We are incredibly…
Widowed Suddenly
The Bench
From the first time I met him, Stan spoke to me of his impending death. Not that he dreamt it would be happening anytime, soon. He just seemed to have a keen awareness of the one, inescapable fact of life we all share—that we will one day die. Perhaps it was his witnessing of the untimely death of a close friend that kindled his awareness.
50 Reasons that I Love Don Shepherd
On October 27, 2006, I married my forever soul-mate. On July 13, 2011, he died. It was sudden and out of nowhere, and now, 3 years later, I still struggle to understand why I have to live without him, and why he doesn’t get to live. Today is November 6, 2014. Today, Don Shepherd would have been 50 years old. But instead, he will be forever 46.
My Heart
My heart is raw. It breaks open easily. It doesn’t take much. Another memory of the life I lost when Mike died. Another tragic story from another new member of our terrible club. Another heartbreak from a fellow widow having made the effort to find new love and life and been hurt. Another day of pain and sadness in a friend’s ongoing attempt to…
Flight From Grief
How can I describe the strange set of circumstances that brought me here, from North America to Northern England, to this wild and expansive place, with its sloping, green hills, its mossy, stone walls, to this terrace house, built in 1889, to live the life that my husband gave to me? Over the weeks and months, you will come to know these things.
Different Universe
Today is Halloween, and other than a few light-hearted traditions, such as our annual watching of one of our favorites: “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!”, this holiday never really had much significance for us as a couple. Except that it did. It does. But not because of Halloween. Halloween just happens to fall right in the center of the…
A Molten Grief
We here on the Big Island – as others around the world now too – are watching in awe, horror and sadness as Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of the volcano, marches her molten walk through the community of Pahoa. It is indeed a big island; I live far, far away from that and am quite safe, but we who live here feel a kinship with our neighbors. We all…
Inane Distractions
Recently, the cable through which my house receives both TV and internet had a major fault. It lasted 4 days. …and I nearly lost my marbles. Part of the reason was that I needed to log onto the work system to download the latest files for school, but part of the reason was that I have come to rely on the television to provide an inane,…
The Flip Side of the Coin
As you all know, Cassie felt that it was time for her to share her writing spot with another widowed writer. I want to begin this post by thanking Cassie for her years of dedication to Widow’s Voice. She has changed so many lives on Monday after Monday after Monday…mine included. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us Cassie! Also, we…
Trying to Keep an Open Heart
I just want to be alone so much lately. I’ve always been a bit introverted, but I literally haven’t wanted to be around anyone at all lately – and that’s not like me. For me, it can be so easy to just close off from the world. I know it’s one of those things I have to be careful about keeping in check. Particularly as an artist – it is extremely…
Just Pray
Okay. So I’m probably going to alienate some people or piss some people off with this post today, but you know what? The reason I’m writing it in the first place is because I feel alienated every single day, by the very same people who will be angry or upset by this post. Besides, my intention is not to upset anyone. My intention is, as always, to…
When Sick Was Pretty
This past week, I’ve been under the weather with a mysterious illness. On Tuesday, my lymph nodes started to swell up. By Wednesday they were the size of golf balls and very tender. And then some glands in my cheeks started to do the same. Needless to say, by Wednesday night I looked like I had gained twenty pounds on my face. I actually had no…