This is the fourth, 4th of July we’ve celebrated without Tony. It doesn’t feel as devastating as it did the first few years. While it doesn’t hurt like it did in the beginning, I still find myself thinking about him throughout the holiday. On the 4th, our youngest was recovering from a cold so we […]
Widowed Emotions
Hellos and Good-byes
Because summer has always been my favorite season, and I strongly dislike cold climates, the Fourth of July had always been one of my favorite holidays growing up in the North. For me, this holiday was sort of like a summertime version of New Year’s Eve with its fireworks, gatherings and celebration of all forms […]
It’s Time
Another death anniversary passed in April and here we are already in July. It’s time to honor our fifty-fith wedding anniversary coming up tomorrow. It is the privilege of a lifetime is to live, tell, and record the stories of our lives, Dan Neff. It is love on love on more love. […]
Wanderlust
Last week the twins and I returned from my first solo flight with them since Erik’s passing. I had been anticipating this flight for quite some time. All the worries that come with being a solo parent at home seemed so trivial compared to all the worries I had about traveling alone with them. How […]
Peaceful
Outside of Father’s Day a few weeks ago, I have been feeling relatively at peace. There are likely a few reasons for that feeling. The madness of the last school year is in the rearview mirror. Kid sports have winded down for a few weeks. Those two things have allowed me to take a deep […]
Marking Memories
The days are hot here in Riverside, CA and I am late to this page. Summer has a schedule of its own, school or not. It invites a slowness that I can tumble into; falling into it like falling into clouds. It’s hot and the a/c is my friend. Behind me, my dog and grand-dog […]
The Solo Road
A repost! Tune in next week when we are back from our family vacation to read all about it! As many of us know, being a solo parent has many, many challenges to say the least. Lately trying to balance being a solo mom with dealing with my grief has been quite overwhelming as we […]
Car Trouble
When I purchased my new car recently, I intended to keep my old one for the kids. The old car was having some transmission issues, but I was going to have them repaired. My car had only one previous owner before myself. It seemed like a good idea to keep the vehicle in which I […]
Following Father’s Day
Here you are on display so many years after the fact. Having been only four tiny pounds yourself, you grew larger than life. You had the strength to be immutable and the grace to be tender. Tough and Tender. A combination for life. Seeing this photo undoes me. Missing […]
That Twin Inevitable Heartbreak
As a widow, we hear plenty of platitudes. One of them being ‘time will heal all’. It’s one that I truly dislike and still makes me cringe mostly because I don’t believe it’s true. I don’t believe that time will heal becoming a widow. I don’t think anything will be able to heal that. I […]
A Family Vacation
Last week I was on vacation with my children and my late husband’s family. My in-laws organized the trip as an early celebration for their 50th wedding anniversary. We spent 6 days in the Outer Banks with Tony’s parents and his sister’s family. The cousins had fun together bouncing between the beach and the pool […]
Floating On
On Thursday, my family and I paid a loving tribute to my mother when her ashes were interred with my father’s at Saratoga National Cemetery in New York. One year earlier to the day, my father’s Military Service took place at the same location on a day that was just as beautiful and warm. My […]