About four months after Phil’s death, I returned to my nail salon for the first time since being widowed. As I sat in the chair trying to keep it together while idle chatter swirled around me, my manicurist looked up and asked if I was going to take off my rings. Absently I handed them to her (my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and Phil’s wedding…
Widowed Emotions
Last Walk
***This was written 2 days ago*** Charlie… Charlie is more than a dog. Though my family had him since he was a puppy, in 2004 he came to live with me full-time. He became king. Always having been an outside dog, he was thrown into a world where he didn’t have to fight to get to the dog bowl and got to sleep among pillows and soft comforters. An…
Yes
I think for a long time I thought that I’d feel happiness through some sort of thick membrane – see it, sort of touch it, and even be able to experience it in a distant way, but I doubted I’d ever feel genuinely happy again. I was certain the lessons that life had taught me would keep me removed from true happiness – I just wouldn’t be able to let…
Every Sunday
(Written 2/2011) Every Sunday it happens. I go into my office to print out the grocery list. And find myself on the computer Searching for…… a distraction, a reason, a gift, something that will ease the unease.I read the past week’s posts of the other widows. I look at my emails. I answer the ones that don’t take much out of me. Finally, I…
Parenthesis, year 4
***If you’re reading this, it is officially May 21st, 2011. The four year angel-versary of my love. I’m writing this a week in advance, and hopefully have succeeded in doing my fourth skydive jump on the 20th (If I don’t blog next week, I’ll tell all your loves “hello” ;D ). This has become an annual event for the military widows of our…
expectations
As humans, it seems that we all expect to have more than we do. More possessions. More time. More love. More help. I don’t know if it’s just my human-ness that makes this desire for more so prevalent…or if the fact that I am a widow makes this expectation almost obsessive.I have quite happy having few possessions, however (or at least I think I…
Sharing Something …
…. that many of you have probably read before. But it’s always good to read again …. and be reminded of it, just in case you come upon someone else who needs it shared with them. And for those of you who’ve never read it …. you will, as always, relate to every line.”How You Can Help Me” Please talk about my loved one, even though he is…
Tired, Exhausted
This has been quite a week. It was one of those weeks that took so much inner strength, and perseverance, to get through. For one, my now 13 year old has recently fallen so behind in his school work, and his grades were literally tanking. He has some issues, one of which being significant ADHD, which requires a real team effort on the part of his…
I Have The Ring
I have The Ring. The one that binds all rings together. I’ve been looking at it lately Playing with it. Putting it on my left hand, where there has been no ring for over a year And it feels…not right anymore. It feels wrong on my left finger because it doesn’t feel like… me.The Ring. The one that binds all rings together. I had Art’s…
Saying “NO” to the Fanny Pack
I took part in a 10K race the other week. can’t say that I ran. Technically, I did run…for about ten steps. Then I walked. I couldn’t run because I was overly prepared. I was afraid that I would get thirsty. That I may trip and need a bandaid. That I may require a dab of sunscreen or lip balm aside from the initial application pre-race. That…
normalcy
week three of my trip around the country talking about that thing I worked on for madeline it’s been a week since i’ve seen my baby.(well a week since i’ve hugged my baby. I saw some photos that her grandma broccoli sent my way of maddy covered (and i mean covered) in temporary tattoos, and some more that the other grandparents have sent my…
My Heart Breaks Just a Little ….
…. every time I see how much our children look like (or act like) Jim. The above picture is of our youngest, Son #3 and his prom date this past weekend. I was not here to witness the event (he’s only a sophomore so it wasn’t THE prom). I was in Alaska, taking care of my brother who had surgery while I was there.This young lady’s mom sent me the…