This is what Ezra has to say about grief. He wants you to pay attention. He’s nine. He was 7 by three weeks when Art died. M=Mom, aka KimE: It’s scary whenever I go to sleep because I’m afraid I will be dreaming about daddy. M: Why do you not like that? E: Cause then every morning I wake up and I realize that he’s never coming back and it’s…
Widowed Emotions
The same??? a cranky rant
First posted on my personal blog on June 25th, 2008 (Three months after Jeff died) while still in the throes of “death anger”… The kids and I went to a small toy store to find a little toy for Liv and Briar on our way to the wedding on Sunday. The saleswoman was one of those types that drive you insane while shopping by following you around and…
“where are you from?”
that’s a question i used to get asked a lot in my previous life, (you know, the one before my wife died)it was either preceded by, or sometimes followed by, “what do you do?” in my current life, it matters less where i’m from & what i do… what’s more important, especially to others like me (like us), are questions like, “what…
Winnie the Pooh on Grieving
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”-Winnie the PoohAlways be with me….. I really hope so. But I know her and…
How Did He Die?
I’m at the bank, not my usual branch. Comments are made about how tall my youngest is. “He’s only 9?” I nod. What I want to do is roll my eyes, and hand her a card that says:“Thank you for noticing that my child is tall. Hopefully he will be a tall man some day. I have trained him to smile and say “Thank you,” even though he has…
Healing Hurts Sometmes
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly, but what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
are you ready for this?
One of the questions I’ve asked myself frequently since Jeff’s death is “Am I ready and do I want to date?” Aside from the need for physical contact, I can’t say that in the first year I was at all ready for “dating”. Last year, my second year of widowhood, I thought I was. With trepidation and large amount of humility, I took a look at online…
You Can’t Fix Me
Sometimes I want to scream at people: “You Can’t Fix Me!” …because sometimes, I get so sick of hearing that I need to “look after myself” or “do something for myself” or “make it happen” or “chin up” or “forge ahead.”Sometimes it’s just too much when friends and colleagues minimize my grief in their misguided belief…
Things That Made Me Cry …..
…. like this picture of Jim …. no longer make me cry. Well, the majority of the time. There are always “one of those days/weeks”, but they are few and far between now. Mostly.This realization occurred to me this past weekend. I was looking for a tote bag to use for my swim suit and towel and various other Fourth of July sundries. I happened…
Visualizing Change
I just returned from a camping trip with my brother and his family. It was at one of those family RV resorts, where everyone is parked next to each other, row after row. There were activities galore all weekend long, and lots of happy couples, excited kids, proud grandparents, and me.Well, that’s how it felt most of the time. I’m sure that to…
Widow vs. Widow
She said “Well, at least you got to say good-bye.” Anger rises in me because I see her comment as one of those my-situation-is-worse-than-yours comments. Anger because she wants to beat me to the bottom, to claim more grief, more anger, more despondency than me.Anger because really? Do we have to have this conversation? I’ve had it before but…
All
Maximus and I take walks at night. I love looking up and feeling like I’m in a planetarium. For some reason, it’s also a moment I feel closest to Michael…and now Charlie.A couple of nights ago, as we were headed down Haleys Way Drive, with the song of a neighbors chimes blowing in the wind, I felt the need to note an overwhelming realization that…