I remember talking to Michele about 4 and a half years ago about a widow she had met. The woman in question had been a widow for 5 years and she was in a MUCH different place than we were (we were at about 6 months). I very distinctly remember saying I couldn’t imagine surviving this horrible life for 5 years. I remember thinking in my head that…
Widowed by Illness
Wild Crazy
L, my 13 yr old is taking French. The Spanish classes met at the same time as the Jazz Ensemble and Chamber Orchestra. He plays the cello. And he says “Mom, what would really help me is if we went to France.”And I say, “Ok, wanna go this summer?” This is not a bluff. I have spent the past three weeks deciding where we will live (Chamonix…
A long distance dedication
Tomorrow is 5 years. Impossible to comprehend, but true nonetheless. Today’s blog will be a long distance dedication from Daniel to his friends and family. I think if he’d been given the choice (or if I’d had more time to think of it myself), he’d have had this played at his funeral. Jimmy Buffett – Lovely Cruise Drink it up, this one’s for…
Wise Ass Widow
My Halloween Costume Guess what I am. Art was in my head all day saying, “Babe, don’t say anything. Let them figure it out.” But that is not me. So here’s a hint. I am a certain kind of spider! I am a certain kind of widow!…
Halloween
Halloween…I think as an adult you move past this particular celebration…until you have kids! Since Grayson was old enough to hold his trick or treat bag, Halloween has been one of the more fun holidays of the year. Grayson’s costumes have become gradually more frightening as the years have passed. We’ve moved from pumpkin (4 months) to Wizard…
Fear Not
Pallas is on the phone with my mom. “Well we talk about things like regret. Like if I had to do it over, I would be nicer to my dad.” she explains what they discuss in her kids support group. “Mom” says Langston who is in my doorway. It’s 10:47. I was asleep. “I have a confession. Well it’s not a confession, its….” I pause, while…
One baby step at a time…
Well it has happened. Another year has passed. I survived it. This time last year I was lamenting 40 and how impossible it was that I was alive at 40 while Daniel was forever 35. I still feel that angst…he’s 35 and each year I grow older in spite of it. I remember thinking I couldn’t possibly live another year without him…how is it possible…
The Last Picture
Five years ago today we took the last picture. We were on our way home from Disney and a day away from our first appointment at MD Anderson. Of course we didn’t know it was the last picture…that’s why the happiness in those two faces is real.It’s hard to believe it’s been five years. I can close my eyes and it feels like yesterday. It feels like…
Anniversary Gift
I am quickly approaching what would be my second wedding anniversary. Can I see a raise of hands as to who thinks this might be a difficult time for me? A no brainer, right?I have come to have a really negative visceral reaction to the word anniversary. It is a sad reality, but I like other young widowed people, missed out on a lot of things that…
Official First Date!!
As we walked he wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned in, not away. As we talked he looked into my eyes (so sorry for the corniness of that statement) And I looked back, not down.We sat at dinner and I danced in his attention. Rose, glowed, warmed when he looked at me thinking I was not paying attention, when he laughed at my quick wit, when he…
Five Years Ago Today
As a young teen, my husband Daniel traveled on Amtrak to St. Louis Missouri with his parents and five siblings. When he spoke of this trip many years later, his fondest memories were of staying up all night in the sleeper car rocking to the rhythmic movements of the train, watching the Texas landscape flash by, playing Gin Rummy as the train…
Normal
I have nothing to write. I had a completely relaxing day. I dropped Langston off at school for his game and on the way home I cried so hard I had to pull over.Art’s death is just so fundamentally sad. All that he is missing is just tragic! And yet… I returned later, and watched Langston play flag football. I took my other two to play dates. I…