Sorry for another movie reference, but this one has been on my mind. Remember the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks? I was reminded of this movie just last week because of a dream I had. Remember how in the movie he returns after being presumed dead for years? His girlfriend of many years has married, and she now has a child, a family…she’s moved on.
Widowed and Healing
Always
I’m sitting here, Sunday night, and watching the old Steven Spielberg film, Always. It’s one of those films we widowed people try to avoid, especially in the first year. I’m not in my first year, more like at 22 months, but who’s counting.This is one of those films that I remember enjoying, but never really thought to watch again. So, the details…
Easy
To put it simply…every action, every breath, every second of my life after Michael’s death was one thing and one thing only…hard. Okay, I should re-phrase….torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day. But an amazing thing happened today…like most things, it’s something I’ve noticed in passing since becoming a…
“where are you from?”
that’s a question i used to get asked a lot in my previous life, (you know, the one before my wife died)it was either preceded by, or sometimes followed by, “what do you do?” in my current life, it matters less where i’m from & what i do… what’s more important, especially to others like me (like us), are questions like, “what…
Dating Again.
Well, last week I wrote about visualizing change. In fact, “Visualizing Change” was the title of concurrent posts both here and on my personal blog. I thought it appropriate to discuss the issue in both forums, as I wanted to feel like I carefully explored what I was wanting and what I was feeling.The subtitle to my personal blog is “one gay man’s…
How Did He Die?
I’m at the bank, not my usual branch. Comments are made about how tall my youngest is. “He’s only 9?” I nod. What I want to do is roll my eyes, and hand her a card that says:“Thank you for noticing that my child is tall. Hopefully he will be a tall man some day. I have trained him to smile and say “Thank you,” even though he has…
Healing Hurts Sometmes
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly, but what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
are you ready for this?
One of the questions I’ve asked myself frequently since Jeff’s death is “Am I ready and do I want to date?” Aside from the need for physical contact, I can’t say that in the first year I was at all ready for “dating”. Last year, my second year of widowhood, I thought I was. With trepidation and large amount of humility, I took a look at online…
Things That Made Me Cry …..
…. like this picture of Jim …. no longer make me cry. Well, the majority of the time. There are always “one of those days/weeks”, but they are few and far between now. Mostly.This realization occurred to me this past weekend. I was looking for a tote bag to use for my swim suit and towel and various other Fourth of July sundries. I happened…
11 years ago today….
Last night I tucked in G for a second time. He was struggling to sleep after a large plate of this yummy cake. I lay down next to him on the air mattress which has been his bed for the past few nights (we’re in the UK on vacation and staying with friends for the weekend). I pushed his hair back from his forehead and whispered to him the story of…
Visualizing Change
I just returned from a camping trip with my brother and his family. It was at one of those family RV resorts, where everyone is parked next to each other, row after row. There were activities galore all weekend long, and lots of happy couples, excited kids, proud grandparents, and me.Well, that’s how it felt most of the time. I’m sure that to…
Widow vs. Widow
She said “Well, at least you got to say good-bye.” Anger rises in me because I see her comment as one of those my-situation-is-worse-than-yours comments. Anger because she wants to beat me to the bottom, to claim more grief, more anger, more despondency than me.Anger because really? Do we have to have this conversation? I’ve had it before but…