Main Image by Sarah Treanor on streanor.com One of the (many) difficult things about loss and grieving is that while it makes up an inordinately large portion of my life (and is sometimes all-consuming), it is hard to express, lonely to experience, and frustrating in its unpredictability. I rarely feel understood except by my Grieflings […]
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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (for real)
For me, this Christmas, and always, I choose to focus on the LOVE and not the loss. This makes all the difference for me.
Proposals: Plural
So today is the 15 year anniversary of the day that Don Shepherd proposed to me in NYC underneath the Rockefeller Center christmas tree, or what I like to call “our tree.” Normally, on this day, all the years that I lived in NYC area, I would take a walk to that area and just […]
My First Podcast – Living with Loss (what else?)
A different kind of post… My first ever podcast 2020 has been the year of being on webinars and panel discussions about grief and loss and suicide and more but this is the first podcast I have ever participated in, and I think it’s worth sharing. Lasts 37 mins. https://anchor.fm/untamingfemininity/episodes/Living-with-Loss-with-Emma-Pearson-encfa2
The Proposal
I am just seven days away from the 15 year anniversary of Don Shepherd’s marriage proposal, which took place at the iconic Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree – underneath it, to be exact. There were hundreds of people there – clapping and screaming with joy at our love – even though they were tourists who were […]
Season of Hope…
As my grief continues to evolve, I carefully consider who I am today. And, I recognize and accept that both potential and lost possibilities coexist in me. This duality is one of the hallmarks of widowhood. I am at once full of potential; and, concurrently, I have lost my ability to fulfill some of my previous desires. This is just plain lousy. I won’t pretend it isn’t.
Christmas is Cancelled
So last night my mom and dad expressed concern about us gathering for Christmas, and also New Years Day dinner that Nick and I have planned at our place. Since my parents already had covid, they are extra concerned. My mom keeps saying “I dont want to end up back in that hospital.” She feels […]
Make a Wish
I have learned that grief evolves. It changes with time and hard work. The changes are not always linear, but they do occur. Grief is not everlasting, if you don’t want it to be. There is a new life to be found, if you look for it. There is opportunities to find small moments of joy if you are open to it. If you aren’t, then that is a choice too. But, that choice is wrongminded for me. I have life. I didn’t die. So, to honor Mike, I will continue to try to live the best life I can. Life has been denied to him, but it is still available to me – my birthday reminds me of this.
Thanksgiving 2020
So yesterday was Thanksgiving. The holiday this year , for most of us, is already forever changed because of our losses. In my case, Thanksgiving was my late husband Don’s very favorite holiday. He used to say “apple pie, things with gravy, and football – whats not to love?” He also loved that you didnt […]
I Nearly Said “Micky”
Main image – Easter 1988, our first dirty weekend away, in Cornwall, UK To want to have sex, love-making, and intimacy (deep intimacy) in my life again was not a difficult decision for me to make when Mike was no longer breathing. Unlike many of my widowed buddies who could not, cannot, or will not […]
Love of My Life
After a lot of reflection, I finally understood and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me. When you are widowed, you are invited into a new relationship with yourself. You are given the opportunity to build a deep, loving relationship with yourself. This relationship is built on a foundation of unconditional love for yourself. And, arguably, this relationship with Self may be the most important relationship of your life.
I have found that with practice, I am becoming more proficient at self love and self care.
I have become my own friend. My own champion. My own companion. I am a lover of myself.
And, this is a beautiful way to honor my dead lover.
Our Final Post…
Today is a big day for Mike and I… something that we have given a lot of thought to in the past year. This was a tough decision, but in the past few months we finally decided it is time for us to step down as writers here for widow’s voice.