Chuck’s first anniversary just passed. We had a remembrance for him and danced for the love he left behind for all of us. But I also needed, somehow, to mark this past year in a very personal way that was about me and who I am now and who I’m becoming. Who I want to be for the rest of my life. Thinking about it became a spiritual mediation…
Miscellaneous
Listen
“Listen- life is really going on, right now, around us. Do you see it? Sometimes I lose it, but if I sit still and listen, it comes back, and then I think, how funny, this is what being alive is.” -Robin MorganI need to start this blog post with apologizing.In the 5 years of being a Widow’s Voice writer, I’ve recently been failing at my Saturday…
Random Thoughts from a Disorganized Mind~
Each morning I wake up, knowing I slept, so I’m glad for that, but not feeling rested at all. By the evening, after a day spent getting through, well, the day, I’m done in. I take melatonin when I remember and that helps sometimes.Since my husband’s death, I’ve taken my wedding ring off entirely, along with my engagement ring, put them back on,…
Camp Widow
Since I lost my fiancé almost 2 years ago, I have been acutely aware of how uncomfortable my very presence makes people at times. I talk about it less and less on Facebook, and even with my closest friends and family. It turns out people really don’t like being reminded of death. Who knew? I’ve started to feel like I am carrying around some bad…
Four Years…
Four years since you left me.Suddenly.Violently.Bereft.Nobody could possibly begin to understand the soul connection we had. Anam Cara.We two were so closely linked….and yes, I know we are still connected.I have learnt to recognise the signs you send me.I know you are near.I know you miss nothing.I am lucky that intuition comes naturally to…
Reminder
I know with V-Day having past, that it’s good to have reminders that their love lives on. So I’d like to share this favorite story of mine:It was February 12th, 2009, and I decided to do something I had given up after Michael’s passing…create homemade Valentine’s Day cards. Making cards was one of my favorite things and with it being a dismal…
Dance Class
The first Valentines Day without my husband was torture. Everything that existed in the universe felt like a personal attack. The cheap-looking bears holding heart-shaped balloons on a stick at CVS, the conversation heart candies, the kissing and giggling couples around every corner. It all felt like one, giant personal attack on me and my loss.The…
Slow Dance, Last Dance
So, here I am, writing my first blog right before Valentine’s Day. Right before what would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. I’m getting ahead of myself, I know. I was going to introduce myself, give some back-story, and I promise I will. But maybe, because of the timing of this first entry, I’ll give you a glimpse into the world that was…
Time
Finding ways to fill my time after Dave died was a huge challenge. I needed to stay busy and connected to others, but I wasn’t any good for social situations, especially early on. I was zombie-like and had difficulty relating to anyone else who hadn’t experienced widowhood. I couldn’t talk about what I used to talk about. Gossip, work-related…
Signs of Flight
Since Drew was a helicopter pilot, helicopters and anything to do with flying are always the biggest signs I get from him. I even found a tiny toy helicopter in this shack on the island of Barbados last spring while vacationing there with his family. It had washed up on the beach and the guy collected it to sell in his shop. No joke!And just a few…
Lost
I was having a farewell dinner this evening with a friend…which usually equates to sharing our thoughts on life and all that it teaches/has taught us thus far.At one point during our conversation, he looked at me and said, “Taryn, there was a quote from a book that changed my life. I want to share it and I want you to absorb it.”Intense!That was…
Questions?
Where is…?Who put that there…?When…?Why is……the bottle of brown sauce in the crockery cupboard?Did I put it there… or did John? I don’t remember doing that… but I don’t remember seeing John in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner, either. It must have been me that put the sauce in there, but have no recollection what so ever…