I found myself thinking about time recently. About time with Jim. Past time. I thought that I wish I could have bottled up certain times in our life together so that I’d still have them. The bottles would sit up on the shelves along with our photo albums. Any time that I found myself missing him (and when did I not?) I could open up a bottle, take…
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Time to Be
I had some time this weekend – me time. Me and Michele time if I’m completely truthful, but it was me time just the same. A couple of days with no cares in the world. This weekend it all came together. A sudden realization that the opportunity was there and so was the free airline ticket. The last minute recruitment of a fabulous Grandma to take…
I’m OK?
Today looked like this…. I got up. I laughed before the big toe of my left foot hit the floor. I left at 8:15 for an 8:30 class that was a 20 minute drive away. I drove giggling…my lateness, some things never change.I didn’t know anyone in the class. I didn’t feel like knowing anyone from the class. At the class, I didn’t eat the granola bar,…
Ain’t No Love
Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert, I’ve become more consumed in his lyrics and songs. This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like “what is this?! I love it!”)I emailed it to a couple of my widow friends a few weeks back, telling them that the lyrics nailed down my life when I was disillusioned by…
turning tables
I’m sure that every widow/er has done it….Wondered if their spouse would have ‘managed’ had the tables been turned. Pondered over the differences that their loss would have created rather than their spouse’s.Jeff was known for his laughter…Would it have returned? Would he still be sleeping with our little ones tucked up in our bed each night,…
a year
a year? yes. a year. what a difference a year doesn’t make. or does it?march 24 and march 25. one year later. but a year, a year is nothing. it’s a second. no. it’s a minute. or maybe it’s an hour. doesn’t matter. we continue doing what we need to do. every second of every day. but march 26? it’s the same as january 29 or august 5 of…
It’s No Longer the First Thing …..
…. that I think of in the morning. It occurred to me the other day …. that my first thought in the morning is no longer ….. “Jim is dead”. In fact, my first thought now isn’t even about Jim. This realization gives me mixed feelings. I feel happy that grief doesn’t occupy my every thought now. But I also feel sad …… that it doesn’t.I know…
Forty Years Ago Today
Forty years ago today you were born. I think angels must have been singing (or at least giggling) when they bestowed that gift on your parents. If only they’d known what trouble you would get into…they might have been better prepared! :)You: cracked open your brother’s head with a hoe (earned him a few stitches), pinched the dog’s nose with a…
Me and Betsey
I don’t do lawns. There are many jobs I have tackled to prove that I am a strong, capable woman, but lawn mowing has never been one of them. Growing up my brothers mowed the lawn, after I married my husband mowed the lawn, and after he died the lawn took on a life of its own. Because who the heck was going to mow it now??This was a very serious…
What Has Endured
Before my husband Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about…
Greener Grass?
Sometimes I wish he had died instantly. Here one moment, gone the next. My friend, whose husband did die instantly, wishes she had a chance to say good-bye like I did.Only, I’m still not convinced that he heard Langston as Langston took Art’s arm and wrapped it around himself and clung to it like a protective shield. I don’t think he heard…
Sure of You
“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh?’ he whispered. ‘Yes, Piglet?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’” -A.A. Milne I’d be lying if there weren’t moments where I begged for a sign, dream, feeling that you were here…around.Like a detective I’d search for clues or…