…. there’s a silver lining. Or so they say. Who are “they” anyway? I’m guessing not anyone who lost their spouse. So …. is there a silver lining in all of this? Hmmmmm …. not really. Not yet?Although I guess maybe the changes in me could be considered a silver lining. I know that time is short and that I can’t take anything for granted.
Blog
When It’s Quiet
I took a drive last night with the top down. Driving 70 I couldn’t hear anything but the wind and engine. The effect was therapeutic in a white noise way. I emptied my mind and just drifted for a few minutes. What I found there in the roar of the wind was a little piece of myself. I had some “deep thoughts” for a few miles and found that I need…
Separate Worlds
A friend of mine told me that his 99 year old Grandfather had just died, and that his wife who is also 99 years old is still living. She wondered how long the wife was going to live now that the husband is gone. “I’m sure it’s not the same for you, but you hear all the time with the elderly how quickly other one dies after the death of their…
Men
I love men. I love their arms, their legs (athletic ones). I love the way they smile when they like me.I love the way their hand touches, attentively, the small of my back, as they usher me through a door of a restaurant to a car, out of some kind of “danger.” I like kissing them too. Yes, I said THEM. I like how their breath feels on my face. Or…
Parenthesis
As noted last weekend, the 21st marked 3 years since my hero’s death, but tradition continues of being around amazing widows leading up to or after the date. This past week we were in Fayetteville, NC for our annual golf tournament for the organization, followed by our annual AWP Skydive!Like all of our events, we have a definite melting pot of…
come again
I have gone out of my way to avoid the parking lot of our doctor’s office for two years and two months. I’d park on the other side of the building and walk the long way to get to my appointment. As I approached the glass doors to the dreaded parking from the opposite entrance I’d avoid looking at one specific tree. This tree marked the spot where…
where’s my towel?
for the second time in less than a week there was no towel waiting for me when i got out of the shower.why? because i left the damn thing hanging on the door knob in my bedroom. first instinct, still, 13+ months after she died was to yell, “hey liz! can you please bring me a towel?” fuck. when does that go away? the fact that i left my…
We Missed Him …..
…. at this little girl’s (the one in purple) college graduation this weekend. Very much. But I didn’t cry. If you don’t count the night before. That was the toughest time. For me. He should have been there. These “big events” are both sweet …. and difficult. I never pictured doing them without him. Never. But it was good. We celebrated. We…
Thanks for Being You
Grayson and I had a great day on Sunday. A relaxing morning of pancakes and hanging out around the house, followed by a crawfish boil and dinner at my mom’s. As I tucked him in for the night, I hugged him tight and said the words: “thank you for being you”. He asked me what I meant and I told him how much I love him for being just the way he is and…
Tethered
Seven years ago Phil and I decided to climb Mt. Whitney, the highest peak in the contiguous United States. We recruited some other crazy hikers; we worked out a year long training schedule (he chose the trails and I planned the distances and elevation order); we went on several exploratory hikes in search of good training climbs; we ate, drank,…
Card Carrying Member
I have one and I use it. I do. When I’m tired, overwhelmed, or just feel like giving the moaning, complaining-about-their-cellulite-people around me a wake-up call. I work it into a conversation and I slap it down.Then stand back watching with internal glee (most of the time) as others stumble, fall over themselves, or stifle all objections. I love…
3
Three… Three whopping years since it happened. Since my soul mate went to the other side and I ventured out in the unfamiliar world called widowhood.The Angel-versary is always a time where I look back on the time that has passed, things that have been conquered, feelings that have been realized, and growth that has taken place. As I drove in my…