It has been an incredibly warm winter here in Ohio, one of the warmest on record. Christmas came and went with not only a lack of snow, but mud and rain; something we are not entirely used to in the waning days of the year. By no means is every Christmas white, but it is almost always cold. I can remember the weather final few weeks of the…
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Entering the Cave of Fears
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek” – Joseph Campbell I am starting to have a realization that my choice to restart pretty much ALL areas of my life since Drew died means that there is still a hell of a lot to rebuild and build anew. Probably way more than I even can understand right now. When he died, I quit my job and moved…
One of Many
Before I lost my husband to depression, I was so unaffected by the word ‘suicide’. The word itself and casual references are everywhere in our society. In the lyrics of popular songs and common terms of phrase; it pops up unexpectedly in movies and tv shows and it features in art work, like Banksy’s ‘suicidal butterflies’. I’m ashamed to…
Without You
So last week, I completely forgot to write my Widows Voice blog. Just completely forgot. And I didn’t forget that night and then remember the next morning, which I have done MANY times, and then the blog post is a bit late being posted, like today. No. This time I just forgot altogether. I call it “Widow Fail.” Actually, I think it deserves a…
Not Alone and Lonely
Even when I’m not alone at the end of the day, I’m still lonely for Mike. His space can just never be filled. I wrote that line weeks ago but couldn’t finish anything with it. I think because it seemed like a complete thought; that one sentence summed it up for me in so many ways. But since I’ve been back from my holiday travels and looking…
Happy New Year
I generally try to write my posts in advance, which gives me a bit of time to pore over them and change things up here and there before it goes public. This week, I did just that, writing a post about the five year anniversary of Megan’s lung transplant, which is Wednesday, the 6th, and what it meant to me. Then, at the eleventh hour, I…
Home, Heart and Facing Fears
Last I wrote, which was two weeks ago, I was really struggling with this move, and trying to learn some patience with it. I was on my way to my first backpacking trip with Mike. I’d have to say, I found so much peace in the woods. We’ve been hiking nearly every day we get a chance in the past month now… and it really is helping to settle me.
Setting my Goal for 2016
I’m not really one for New Years resolutions however at the start of every year, I do like to put a lot of thought into setting myself a goal for the coming twelve months. When Dan died from depression in July 2013, leaving me as a young, newly-wedded widow, my focus turned to just surviving. That first five or six months was a blur and when…
The Last Straggler
It was still dark when I stepped outside the Holiday Inn near the Los Angeles airport where the airline had been forced to put me up after a snarl of delays and cancellations across the country left me unable to make my connection back to Hawaii. It was the final leg in a long day and a half of travel and I felt bleary and grungy, having spent the…
Stars and the Universe in Jerome~
First of all, I’m so damn glad the holidays are over that it almost makes me see stars swirling around my head, like in the cartoons I remember watching when I was a kid.New Year’s doesn’t count as a holiday for me, not only because it’s been decades since I stayed up for the big countdown, not only because I don’t make New Year’s…
New – A Year in Review
One year ago, everything was new. I was newly widowed, and a new single parent. There were new emotions, new challenges, and new triggers around every corner. I had heard about Camp Widow, and I had a new idea. I would peek out of my armored shell of grief, and go against the grain of my own personality. I would force myself to be a new…
Juggling Wishes
Every once in awhile I am able to see myself through another person’s eyes; sort of like looking up and seeing an image in a mirror, and then realizing the face that is reflected there is your own. The observations from these unguarded moments usually provide some serious food for thought. Recently I went to see the movie Brothers. I will leave out…