The other day, my 2 1/2 year old found one of Jeremy’s mementos – an autographed baseball still in the box. I had it in one of the boys top drawers to keep so that they might have it one day when they get older. Naturally, he wanted to play with it. He took it out of the cardboard box, unwrapped the tissue paper around it, and started throwing…
Widowed Suddenly
My “After” ……
….. Part 2. I arrived in NYC today ……. for the first time since taking my youngest child to college. This was the day I’ve been waiting for …… for about a year now. It didn’t totally look like I saw it happening in my head a year ago. But that’s because I have 2 of my daughters living here with me. I did NOT see that happening. At…
Download
One thing I really miss about Greg is that, when I had a rough day, he would let me download to him and he would make things OK. …and yesterday, I really needed to blurt out what an incredibly crappy day I had* and have someone tell me that it was done and that I was OK and that tomorrow was a new day.But I didn’t have anyone I could blather…
26 Weeks
This Saturday, I will be 26 weeks along. The last time I was 26 weeks pregnant (to the day), my husband dropped dead.Oddly enough, for all the anxiety I had about becoming pregnant, it’s been relatively normal and hasn’t caused me too much grief. Until I hit the half way mark. Ever since, my brain audibly tells me with each passing Saturday, “only…
Same Discussion ……
…… same passion. I had a discussion this past weekend that I’ve had several times before. It’s a discussion that I am so passionate about …… that it brings tears every single time it occurs. All it takes is four words. Four words that set me off quicker than most any other words can (unless they’re negative words about my children). The…
Distraction
A very wise woman (also a widow) once me that when things get really-rock-bottom-bad; find a distraction. A new distraction that doesn’t carry the weight of memories that include him. I do a range of things at 2am when the darkness creeps in. I read (always a solitary activity for me), or play endless games of solitaire and then pin things on…
Running
I never really liked running. Never really saw the point. For exercise? Sure, but I’d much rather play a sport or go swimming or do just about anything other than feel the pounding of my flattened and worn-out feet, screaming for mercy against the hot and unforgiving pavement. Or feel my knees hurting and buckling and cracking with each breath,…
Less than a decade, more than a lifetime.
It’s always been a hard reality for me to swallow that I never got a full decade with Jeremy. Something about that round number made me feel even more like I got robbed. I started dating Jeremy shortly after I turned 20. He died when I was 28 – I never got to celebrate turning 20 or 30 with him. Just inside a decade.A few weeks ago, Jeremy and I…
When One Door Closes ……
…… it sometimes slams right in your face. Some doors are like that. They suddenly slam shut with so much force that you’re knocked backwards. The door on my “before” life shut like that. Suddenly. Surprisingly. Furiously. Permanently. Other doors close very slowly. You can tell that they’re closing, but it’s such a slow process that you…
Why This is YOUR Fault
Like many of you, last week I read a facebook post by the fabulous Michele in which she confessed to being irritate with her dead husband (not her lovely, living one….) Went for a run this morning, and my legs were feeling heavy and slow. Phil is never far from my mind when I run (especially in August), and as I struggled with the miles I…
Home Sweet Home
Well, things around here never seem to quite slow down. And lately, in particular, they’ve sped up into super speed! Steve accepted a new job position in Parkersburg, West Virginia. Oh, and we move next week! We are taking a ride on the crazy train and loving every minute of it. Well….almost every minute.While I am thrilled for this new…
Going Back To My “Before” ……
…… and explaining my “After”. This past weekend I went back to my home town for a party. It was a mini-reunion of sorts. Several people from our high school class came, as well as others from a couple of other years …… and several spouses. I loved high school …… most of it anyway.. I don’t know any teenager who loves all of it.