There are times that I torture/comfort myself thinking of all the things I would say or do if Jeff “came back”….or was at very least able to hear me. It’s a little game that hurts and heals simultaneously:If you were here, I’d slap you for not going to the doctor sooner. If you were here, I would curl up safe and warm in your arms. If you were…
Widowed Parenting
in response to the old man in maryland.
the early worries, physical in nature, disappeared long ago. it’s impossible to know that she was born 7 weeks early, but now it’s the emotional that i most worry about. honesty is the route i’ve chosen with her, no stories, just facts, which (i believe) will be helpful later, but it doesn’t make now very easy. a few weeks ago…
On the Humor of Our Grieving …
…. and a paragraph about a dream. This is a post I wrote back in March of 2008, three months after Jim died. The kids and I traveled to Oklahoma, where Jim was born and where we both grew up. Well, he grew up in one part of Oklahoma, I grew up in another. Anyway, we went to the farm where Jim was raised for a very solemn purpose. We were…
Bromance
Well, I’m dating. Okay, maybe I’m not really dating. I’m just not quite sure what to call it. It’s been awhile since I dated anyone, and, it’s been awhile since I have felt the need to qualify exactly what I am doing with another person. It’s kind of odd, going out with someone, talking, and texting several times throughout the week, wondering…
Every Sunday
(Written 2/2011) Every Sunday it happens. I go into my office to print out the grocery list. And find myself on the computer Searching for…… a distraction, a reason, a gift, something that will ease the unease.I read the past week’s posts of the other widows. I look at my emails. I answer the ones that don’t take much out of me. Finally, I…
expectations
As humans, it seems that we all expect to have more than we do. More possessions. More time. More love. More help. I don’t know if it’s just my human-ness that makes this desire for more so prevalent…or if the fact that I am a widow makes this expectation almost obsessive.I have quite happy having few possessions, however (or at least I think I…
last monday, in a bookstore.
on monday i came face-to-face with a teenage madeline, and madeline at age 38. two different people, different from the madeline i’m raising right now. but the same. they were still living with what madeline will be living with the rest of her life. … teenage madeline stood across the table from me, holding a copy of the thing i…
Sharing Something …
…. that many of you have probably read before. But it’s always good to read again …. and be reminded of it, just in case you come upon someone else who needs it shared with them. And for those of you who’ve never read it …. you will, as always, relate to every line.”How You Can Help Me” Please talk about my loved one, even though he is…
Tired, Exhausted
This has been quite a week. It was one of those weeks that took so much inner strength, and perseverance, to get through. For one, my now 13 year old has recently fallen so behind in his school work, and his grades were literally tanking. He has some issues, one of which being significant ADHD, which requires a real team effort on the part of his…
Saying “NO” to the Fanny Pack
I took part in a 10K race the other week. can’t say that I ran. Technically, I did run…for about ten steps. Then I walked. I couldn’t run because I was overly prepared. I was afraid that I would get thirsty. That I may trip and need a bandaid. That I may require a dab of sunscreen or lip balm aside from the initial application pre-race. That…
normalcy
week three of my trip around the country talking about that thing I worked on for madeline it’s been a week since i’ve seen my baby.(well a week since i’ve hugged my baby. I saw some photos that her grandma broccoli sent my way of maddy covered (and i mean covered) in temporary tattoos, and some more that the other grandparents have sent my…
My Heart Breaks Just a Little ….
…. every time I see how much our children look like (or act like) Jim. The above picture is of our youngest, Son #3 and his prom date this past weekend. I was not here to witness the event (he’s only a sophomore so it wasn’t THE prom). I was in Alaska, taking care of my brother who had surgery while I was there.This young lady’s mom sent me the…