March 1 will mark 2 years since my beautiful life ended.The life I loved.The life where my best friend did everything with me.The life where beautiful things were abundant and not edged with sadness. The life where I felt safe and loved and content and happy.Two years since that awful day. Last year, there were lots of people around me on that…
Widowed Anniversaries
A Date By Any Other Name ….
(Post pre-explanation & warning: I wrote this post for my personal blog …. on Sunday, the 18th, the 4th year date of Jim’s death. This date, this year, was no easier for me than the previous 3. I still cried. I still wished that I were the one who was not left behind. I am still crying, and I think I may forever be wishing. And yet…
How Can I Ensure That December ….
…. is a month to remember? Truth be told, it wasn’t all that difficult. All I did was agree to have surgery today. And then, to make it even MORE memorable …. I agreed to have my middle son’s wisdom teeth extracted. Today. Yes, as in …. today, the 14th of December ….. both procedures. I guess that’s one way to ring in the “death day” of my…
Tis the Season ….
…. to be jolly. Ho, ho ….. oh whatever. I mostly loathe this Season. I really do. And that ticks me off. Because I didn’t “before”. I loved Christmas and everything it entails. It was a wonderful time of the year for me spiritually, emotionally …. the older kids came home from college for several weeks, and physically …. loved the parties,…
The Passing of Time
Six years ago today. Six years ago today started with a horrific shock at about 1 in the morning. It happened so quickly I can hardly believe I was there for it, or that it was real. One moment I was laying with my head on Daniel’s chest listening to his heart beat, and moments later the ER staff were in our room fighting to save his life. They…
Today would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.
Fourteen years ago, I awoke in my childhood bedroom … well got up anyway … I was too excited to sleep much. My bridesmaid, my Mum and I quickly ate breakfast and took ourselves down to the salon for ‘hair and makeup’. We emerged hours later, coiffed and painted, but still recognisable. Everyone ate lunch … not me … I couldn’t eat for the…
first
We made it. Through all the firsts. The firsts without Jeff at birthday parties, Christmas morning, through illnesses and accomplishments. His absence has been an aching void….almost a presence in itself. But time has continued its’ slithery journey. I look back over the time without my love and see that 365 days have gone by and no time at all…
Sending out an SOS
I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do. But I’m falling apart here at work. I need to express myself without speaking, as I am unable to speak without tears. Heavy tears. I came into work today expecting it to be like any other day. I am a family court counselor, and I meet with parents to help them reach agreements regarding the custody of…
UnHappy Anniversary
Not sure where to begin. It’s definitely a time of reflection. Tomorrow, Tuesday, will be two years. What is appropriate for a two year anniversary? The first year is paper. Last year at this time I was …wait a minute. Don’t you usually ‘celebrate’ anniversaries? Seems like the two words, anniversary and celebration, go hand in hand.Yesterday for…
Sitting
I struggle to find something of substance to talk about. Each Sunday comes around, and the awareness that my post is due by midnight is always on my mind. Usually there is something that I have been mulling over throughout the day, or something that has been with me throughout the week, that quickly becomes my post. Today I just feel empty.I’m not…
Missed, Loved, and Remembered
Hi honey, Six years ago today you headed out the door for what would be your final bike ride. You checked the tires on your bike, oiled the chain, filled two water bottles, kissed me good-bye, left, came back for some unidentified thing (I still wonder what brought you back, and if those additional moments cost you your life), and then kissed me…
It Takes a Long Time ….
It takes a long time…. to get from there …. to here. It has taken me almost 4 years to get here. Four years that have seemed like one day …. and forty years …. all at the same time. Six years before Jim died he had an accident on his family’s farm, at Thanksgiving. As an aside, it seems that the big events in his life, and therefore, in…