To catch up, it’s about four weeks after Ian’s had heart surgery, and I’ve rushed him to hospital where he collapsed on arrival. Once Ian was settled and awake again, we opted for me to head home and be with our son. We were used to Ian being in hospital, so it was no biggie to either of us at the time for me to head off. I had been advised…
Widowed Anniversaries
Tears Amongst Happiness ……
….. is what I’ve experienced this week. Yes, this is the time of year when I usually experience my annual “death march”. The time that my body marks, better than any earthly calendar. The days leading up to Jim’s unexpected death on December 18, 2007. This has been a good year. In many ways. And yet, it seems unbelievable that I am coming…
Ready. For now.
After hitting the 3 year mark on Saturday, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Grief never really leaves, but I think the experience alone in a new place, along with the fear that I might have the baby before I got to properly grieve and get through the week left me scared and hurting in new and different ways. But, like…
When words are not enough
This Saturday marks 3 years since Jeremy took his last breath. How can that possibly be? Every year, I am in awe of how crazy it seems that so much time has passed, and yet how far away it seems when so much life has been lived in between. I have truly experienced more in the past 3 years than most people do in a lifetime. Since Jer died, I’ve…
Time Flies….(Guest Blog – Michelle Dippel-Dahlberg)
It’s that time of year again. I’ve marched towards today for the past month and a half. Grumpy one day, fine the next – I think most of my family has felt the uncertainty of my moods but they have hung in there. This year was different for a couple of reasons – one, I forgot the day the march starts. Let me clarify that though, my conscious…
The Game of What If
In just a couple weeks, I’m coming up on 3 years. That realization along with the hormones of pregnancy has really been a lethal – and emotional – combination. I found this old post from my blog that jumped out at me as something I’ve been thinking about lately and thought I would share. Maybe someone, somewhere out there might connect with this…
5
***Written in 2010, but with a 2013 photo. With this year being my 5th Anniversary, I thought it a perfect time to re-post. :)*** This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass,…
Phil Day
Today is the eighth anniversary of my Phil’s death. Taryn has graciously shared her blog day with me, so that I can post the annual letter I write to Phil on this day. Thank you, my friend.Dear Honey, Eight years have come and gone since you last laughed out loud at a joke that only you thought was funny. Eight years have passed since I last held…
Less than a decade, more than a lifetime.
It’s always been a hard reality for me to swallow that I never got a full decade with Jeremy. Something about that round number made me feel even more like I got robbed. I started dating Jeremy shortly after I turned 20. He died when I was 28 – I never got to celebrate turning 20 or 30 with him. Just inside a decade.A few weeks ago, Jeremy and I…
Not Enough
Since my husband’s suicide in July 2010, I have struggled with feeling likeI was not enough. I was not enough to keep my husband alive. I have felt that if I was a better friend, a better wife, a better support system, my husband would still be alive.Realizing that sometimes love is NOT enough.. is devastating. What happened to all…
3 Year Anniversary
Last week I passed the 3 year sadiversary of my husband’s suicide. I wanted to share some pieces about what I have been thinking about and have learned about grief and myself. That having self awareness is a must have. Having fear of what the anniversaries will do to me is a good reminder to take care of myself. Remembering the good times,…
The Bubble
My body is already preparing for the 3 year “sadiversary.” It seems this has started a lot sooner this year. I can feel it in my heart, the tears are falling often again. My physical grief always starts in the arches of my feet and the palms of my hands. From there it spreads to my joints, and eventually, my brain. It takes me a while to…