Being here in the United States on my own this week has been a very enlightening experience. I have had moments of feeling vulnerable and isolated and also moments of incredible confidence, like I can take on the world. After my husband died it’s been a struggle to adjust to being alone again. I know I can do things without him – I just don’t…
Widowed and New Love
What is a Partner?
As an artist, I believe that every piece I create is coming through me from some other source and meant for one person out there. I’ve come to believe this because of it happening to me with many of my photographs and written pieces. Someone will come forward to share how important my image was to them, and how perfectly it aligned with something…
Live Large
I have so much now in my second chance. I’m forever scarred and forever missing someone I expected to be with until I died, but I get to live on for some reason and I’m doing it well. I’ve been lucky in some instances but in most, I’ve worked hard to be where I am now. I have a lot. I’m in a healthy, loving relationship. I have a beautiful home,…
Help
Here’s what I’m noticing as I begin to build a life with someone since Dave died. I’m struggling to let myself be helped. I fight against the idea of my boyfriend doing things for me. I’m torn between the desire to let myself be a part of a couple again and split the work up – You do the finances because you love it and I’m terrible at it. I do…
Much to lose
In less than 3 weeks, it will have been 3 years since Dave died on a heart-breakingly beautiful June day. It has been the most terrifying, wrenching, altering event of my life so far and I will spend the rest of my life dealing with it to some extent. I’m beginning to understand just how much we learn to carry our grief rather than get over it.
Worth It
Life marches on so relentlessly. Dave’s memory fades as time passes. The way to make his memory stay clearer would be to pull out his pictures regularly and talk about him constantly. Doing these things can be comforting, but for me, they’ve also been incredibly painful. I talk to him still. I think about our life and our love. I look at pictures…
Goodbye for now
Two writers stepping down in one week?!? First it was Melinda. Now, it’s my turn. This is very bittersweet for me. I am so incredibly thankful for the platform that Michele has given me to open up my heart and share my journey. I have learned so much just from watching my life unfold in my own words and processing through it, as well as reading…
The lost art of flirting
… well lost to me anyway. The last time I did “flirting” (without knowing that the flirtee was already very interested – ie Greg), I was in possession of a rather hot 22 year old body, flawless skin and a geeky naivete that was somehow attractive (who knew?). In other words, the most flirting I did was glancing in the direction of someone I…
(not so) Ordinary Life
And so the countdown begins… In 56 hours or less (not that I’m counting or anything), I will be holding a new little life in my arms. One small person I helped create. One tiny little reminder of what life is really all about. My sweet little baby boy has no idea what his life represents already in this world. In a place that can be so cold,…
Goodbyes
“I hate goodbyes” Every time Dave and I would say goodbye for more than a day or so, we’d reenact this scene from Dumb and Dumber. I’m in the disorienting world of goodbyes again as I navigate the end to the first real relationship I’ve attempted since Dave died. Fortunately I have the most amazing friends who have helped keep me afloat but the…
Who knows?
When I met Greg, it was at a housewarming party for mutual friends.He danced with me, brought me drinks, held my hand and at the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me softly.Years later, we could remember exactly where we were standing when we first clapped eyes on each other.It was love at first sight.It was perfect after feeling…
The Battle Between Past and Present
This weekend as we traveled to Indiana, Michigan, and back to West Virginia in 3 short days, we logged a lot of hours in the car. Sometimes I dread long trips because let’s face it: we have 5 children packed into our vehicle like sardines, who we lovingly refer to as “the pee and flee gang” constantly asking us to stop, fighting over what movie to…