I used to believe in that phrase. After all, if you just tried hard enough, if you just had the right attitude, if you just pulled yourself up by your bootstraps …. your life would be better. Right? Well, this phrase worked for me until mid December of 2007.Then my life was shattered, along with my heart, and my life became “matter over mind”. …
Widowed and Healing
What Do You Need?
In a recent conversation with a friend about my interest in ever dating again, I was asked the following question: “You are so strong and so independent, do you ever really need someone else? You don’t seem to need anyone for anything.” It actually started a month long internal dialogue with myself that hasn’t quite been resolved. What do I need?…
Release
I am a teapot (minus the short and stout)…or should I say, a tea kettle.There are moments in my day, week, or month where the “pressure”/emotions inside of me become so overwhelming that they have to find some outlet to release all that is about to combust inside of my heart.Since I am unequipped with a whistling spout, in most cases it is…
mine. all mine.
I wonder how many decisions we make a day on average. Five? Fifty? Five hundred? The small ones have never been of much consequence. Brush my teeth or not? Wear pink high heels or brown loafers? Watch The Nature of Things or 22 Minutes? The larger ones are the tough ones. As a teenager, they were pretty easy. Hear what my parents had to say…and…
Who’s Writing This Anyway?
So I checked out the uplifting song of Musical Monday, which I listened to several times last night…and it did inspire me and lift my spirits. Thanks Michele and I hope your are busy writing your next chapter right now! I am still suffering writer’s block. (I love this analogy). However, I am getting more comfortable with the idea that the future…
Musical Monday
Much of the music that spoke to me right after Phil’s death was important because the lyrics articulated feelings I was incapable of expressing. Even now, after writing countless words about my journey through the loss of my husband, there are times when nothing communicates my inner turmoil like the phrases penned by someone else. When I first…
Why?
Why: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motiveNow we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a lifetime with our soul mates.”Why him?”, “Why me?”,”Why us?”, “Why so young?”, “Why…
the hardest part
As a widow with young children, the worst thing about parenting now is NOT watching fathers whirl their delighted little girls around in the air or push their little boys on the swings. It is NOT arriving to your child’s dance recital alone and wishing that someone was there to experience the joy and pride with you. It is NOT that you are now…
Growing Pains
For Halloween this year each of my teenagers were occupied with their own pursuits. What used to be a kid focused holiday full of parental supervision, has become a mom on her own holiday hoping the kids are safe throughout the festive night. Though my boys were close by, I found myself sitting on the back of my car handing out candy at our Church…
Insert Soul Mate
After traveling the last 18 hours, I have arrived home! Ireland was amazing and lived up to all of my dreams and expectations (though I had set none). From Cork to the Wicklow mountains, I compiled a dictionaries worth of memories.With each new locale I’m blessed enough to see, I capture some of the best shots through the lens of my camera that…
growing up
In the first days after being widowed, I was much like a young child. Oblivious to the world around me. Completely in my own little realm – though not one of wonder but of grief and fear. My existence was confusing. I didn’t understand what had happened. I relied on others to care for me. To make sure I was fed, clothed, and essentially,…
some regrets
some of us were talking about madeline’s long fingers. someone suggested that she should be a piano player. i said, “just like her momma”and then i realized… i was in love with liz for over 12 years and i never saw her play the piano. and that made me sad. then i got to thinking about the other stuff we never did. we never skied…