These are two words whose meanings have changed for me since Phil’s death. Perspective used to be a word I threw around when I wanted someone else to view a certain topic or situation in a different light. Looking back, I doubt that I worried too much about how I viewed the world around me. Things in my life were pretty black and white, and I liked…
Widowed and Healing
A Lighter Shade of Blue ….
I, like Michelle, have not thought a lot about my future. It seems to be a very fuzzy grey fog out there somewhere (but hey, it used to be an inky black fog so here’s to the color getting lighter!). But recently, I have caught myself thinking about it. Even making a plan or two. And then I’ll realize what I’m doing and stop ….. and be amazed.The…
Lordy look who’s 40….
Next week is my 40th, hard to believe really. Forty has an odd significance for me. I met my husband when I was 16. When he proposed to me at 22 (we reunited after a couple of years of not seeing each other in college), I remember him telling me I was beautiful….BUT….. Beautiful but what?? “Beautiful”, he said, “but I know you’ll be stunning…
Another Musical Monday
Okay, consider yourself warned about the potential for tears when reading my musical Monday posts. Teary eyed smiles are a good thing, right? Today’s song was written, and performed, by a good friend of mine, and has been the background for a few intense moments for me ;)Kimberly Roads-Schlapman was living the dream of an aspiring artist in the…
Experiencing
Doing things that Michael and I would have enjoyed together was once unthinkable. “If he’s not here to enjoy them then I shouldn’t” was a philosophy that was stuck in my brain the first months after his passing.With time though, I realized that that was not doing myself or what Michael had taught me any justice. Little by little I dipped my toes…
renovated reactions
On the day our daughter, Liv, first started preschool, my husband, Jeff, and I dropped her off together. We helped her off with her coat. We put her shoes on the mat. Then, we stared expectantly at her wondering (possibly hoping) if she would start to cry and demand that we stay. She didn’t. In fact, Liv told us with thirteen year old form, “You…
This, Too, Shall Pass ….
It’s time to be brutally honest and up front with all of you. Proceed with caution. Before I write this confession, I must also confess that there’s no way that I believe I am alone in this. And that is why I decided to write about it.I have wanted to die. No shock there, right? We’ve all felt that desire. But for me, there have been more than just…
8 Strangers
Peace comes tonight in the form of 8 strangers. Mexican and Jewish, white and other, one young with child on the way, one older with a young child, spiritual, long haired, outgoing and quiet, well dressed and unclipped toe nails.We are strangers. We come together and shut the door, shut the unclear, confusing and sometimes mean world on the other…
I Am Thankful
This weekend I am at another AWP event. We have military widows from all different creeds and backgrounds, all celebrating, smiling and living life to the fullest. As I sit in their presence, I am in awe and honored to be in their presence.In each of them I celebrate their own individual journey, as it reinforces my own. I never envisioned my life…
Good-bye to Mie
Widows need widows. I first realized this when I didn’t know who to ask how long I should wear my wedding ring after Phil’s death. At the time I had no idea there was no definitive answer to that question. Meeting other widowed people taught me that I would discover my own wedding ring answer as time passed, and that there would likely be a long…
joining the team
Hi, I’m Jackie. Unfortunately, if you’re reading this, you are most likely on the same dreaded team as me – a Widow. On March 25th, 2008, my husband, Jeff, our kids and I woke early to get him to the doctor because he hadn’t been feeling well. He had put off going to the GP because he hated to admit there was ever anything physically wrong…
Unlikely Community
When Phil died on August 31, 2005 Matt and Liz Logelin were a happy couple with their whole lives ahead of them. As my body writhed in pain at the violent removal of my husband from my life, Matt was thinking about his next trip with Liz and the adventures that traveling the world with the love of his life would surely bring. While I searched for a…