Everyone is different, with this grief path.  That is what we are all told.  And it’s true.  For example … Some may have chosen to call this a “grief journey.” I call it a path. Or a tsunami, when Im feeling very feisty.  I hate the word journey. It doesn’t represent what this is.  It sounds too clean. Too organized. Too fun. Almost…

Love, I always believed it was the meaning of life. Are we here to simply wake up each day in routine or have we been programed to live this way? There is no thrill in living a ground hog day. Since December I’ve questioned often, why am I here? Is there a point to it all? Somewhat detached, I crave nourishment, love and excitement again.

Today is Friday. On Wednesday, December 21st, just five short days from now, my brother and my mom will be driving to NY from Massachusetts, picking up a U-Haul to attach onto my brothers truck, showing up here to my apartment, packing up all my stuff, and me, and my two kitties – and driving back to Massachusetts. I will then be starting a new…

I wish I had of known how bad it would really be. A warning that the one year mark would be one of the most painful days of my life. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy day, I tried to prepare for that day. I honestly didn’t expect it to be as bad as it was. The fog of grief that had somewhat eased over the past few months returned instantly in full…

It was disheartening this week to read of a widow sister who had received a nasty email from friends.  Friends of her husband who became her friends also.  She thought they were still friends after his death but their email made clear to her that they want nothing to do with her.  She thrived on the drama of widowhood, they said, because of the…

Sometimes we have to sit back and do some serious reflecting. I am not by any meanings taking away from anyone’s pain. My pain is mine and it’s real. I’m dealing with the grief still of losing my husband while trying to raise four children. I am dealing with a medical condition that is never going to go away and could possibly wheelchair bound me.

There are lots of things in my life that haven’t happened yet.  Things that are on the verge of happening, hopefully. Things I am patiently, or impatiently, waiting on.  Things that still need to marinate.  Things that are still in development.  Things that haven’t quite been defined. Things that have no guarantee of happening at all.  Things…

It would probably seem torturous to many people.  And it is, I suppose.  But sometimes I feel so empty, so without Chuck, so numb, so filled with absence, that I seek them out so that I can feel again, right down to my gut, even if the feeling is deep sadness. Them being videos on youtube of military funerals.  With the recent anniversary of the…