This week I took two huge steps in this journey of grief. I did not plan on them happening in the same week or even on the same day. But that’s what ended up happening. It’s weird how when you change things in your home or your life the different emotions that come with it. I always feel so much guilt when I move his stuff out of the place he left…
Uncategorized
Beautifully Broken
I have always believed that we are all connected – that every one of us on this earth, connects to each other in both tiny and ginormous ways – sometimes without even knowing it or realizing it. Some connections are obvious right away, others become more obvious with time, and still others are a puzzle to be figured out at a later date. Whatever…
Widow Speak~
There really is no explaining it In words that either convey or make sense to anyone WIDOW The depths of the word change daily and minute by minute Depending on the day or the minute In the beginning, it means devastation conflagration incineration annihilation Each of those feeling remain or don’t Depending on the day or the minuteIt’s going…
Learning to Celebrate Again
Ever since Joey and I started dating we always celebrate the holidays, we did them big! Halloween was always one of our favorites we would always dress up together and once we had children we made it a family affair. Christmas was always big in our house as well. Lots of decorations and family activities. This time of year was just always very…
Its My Anniversary, and My Husband Is Dead
Today is my wedding anniversary.October 27, 2006.It is late at night now, and I have gone through the entire day,of my anniversary,alone.Without my husband. This would have been our 10-year anniversary.An entire decade together.All the things that might have happened,in those 10 years. The house we might have searched for together,and bought.Or the…
Living his list
So I did it. I made it to Key West, honestly I didn’t know if I would. It didn’t seem like it would ever be reality, it would just always be this far away dream that I could never really grasp. Leading up to the trip, even just writing a pre Key West blog, I did not allow myself to be excited. I didn’t want to jinx anything. But we landed…
I’m Sorry
Do not tell me time will heal because I beg to differ. Instead time only allows you to become use to grief.If you care that much, than say to me.I’m sorry.I’m sorry I don’t have the words to ease your pain.I’m sorry you ever had to hear the words “he’s gone”. I’m sorry for those words that brought you to scream, the words that…
It’s Back Again, But You’re Not Here ….
This week, for reasons too complicated to get into here, I released a piece on my personal grief blog, sharing that 20 years ago this year, in the middle of the night, in my apartment, I was raped. (if you want to understand more about that post or why I chose to speak up about it now, you can find it at www.ripthelifeiknew.com, or all over my…
Long Live Love~
In the before moments As you hold tight while trying to let go Waiting for that last breath Dreading that last breath Holding your breath waiting for that last breath Gasping in your breath as he exhales his last breath Long Live LoveAs you sit and stand and pace and stare Wondering at this new world of without With only your breath in it Where…
Key West or Bust
May 15th, 2015 is a day I will never forget. I was supposed to be on a plane headed to Key West. This was going to be our best trip yet. We had the whole long weekend planned out. Two of our best friends were going with us. It was going to be an epic unforgettable trip. But as life would have it I instead stood in front of about 300 people and gave…
Transitions
I just ended a relationship with someone I had been seeing for about 4 months. Like me, he is widowed, and I met him on a dating site. I guess you could say we “broke up.” Is that still what the kids call it these days? I have no idea. I didn’t word it that way when I ended things between us. The phrase “breaking up” almost sounds too childish and…
We Grew a Family
So, I am writing to you today from Akron, Ohio. I am sitting across the table from my beautiful friend Sarah, who is also writing a piece in her journal at the exact same time that I attempt to write this piece on this blog. I am staying here for the weekend, with Sarah and Mike. (and Mike’s 9 year old daughter, Shelby, who is awesome) All…