Another year as past. It’s hard to believe honestly. I tried my hardest this year to really allow myself to live. I took scary steps that at times made me feel horrible. It was always like I was leaving Joey behind when I did something new or changed something. But the reality is once it was done I felt good, I felt lighter. I know that doing these…
Tomorrow is New Years Eve. My husband and I never really did anything special on New Years Eve. Before I was married, I never really did anything special on New Years Eve. When I was a lot younger, a teenager, some friends and I went into Boston for First Night, froze our asses off, and stood with the thousands of others to count down to…
I was struck, recently, as I perused join requests on a fb group I began a few months ago, for widows who live on the road, or camp. I vet each request to ensure that each woman meets the requirements for our particular group. Within the group, we discuss, not surprisingly, intensely emotional topics around widowhood, and the challenges of…
Holidays are always more intense. You notice the absence of your loved one even more. If this is your first Christmas without your spouse I’m truly sorry. If this is your tenth without your spouse I am still just as equally truly sorry. I remember my very First Christmas with Joey. We had been dating a few months and exchanged gifts on Christmas…
So it’s Christmas again (well, Christmas Eve actually as I write this to you). Yet again, I’m here, like we all are, having to deal with it. I would describe my attitude towards Christmas these past 4 years as apathetic at best. The first year, I was terrified, having never before faced a Christmas without him. The entire week leading up to…
Everyone is different, with this grief path. That is what we are all told. And it’s true. For example … Some may have chosen to call this a “grief journey.” I call it a path. Or a tsunami, when Im feeling very feisty. I hate the word journey. It doesn’t represent what this is. It sounds too clean. Too organized. Too fun. Almost…
St Thomas Aquinas said that Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility. It is therefore able to undertake all things. To hear your laugh again did wonders for my heart. I feel so deeply for you and want you to be as happy and fulfilled as you can be. I know that Betty…
Life is not fair. Some of us get the short end of the stick. Some of us have Tragedy strike us but still see our blessings. Some of us get a perfect life and never any heartache. That’s not true at all everyone experiences some kind of loss, it’s a matter of opinion who has it worse. I have an uncle who has been widowed for 11 years. I see him a…
Love, I always believed it was the meaning of life. Are we here to simply wake up each day in routine or have we been programed to live this way? There is no thrill in living a ground hog day. Since December I’ve questioned often, why am I here? Is there a point to it all? Somewhat detached, I crave nourishment, love and excitement again.
Today is Friday. On Wednesday, December 21st, just five short days from now, my brother and my mom will be driving to NY from Massachusetts, picking up a U-Haul to attach onto my brothers truck, showing up here to my apartment, packing up all my stuff, and me, and my two kitties – and driving back to Massachusetts. I will then be starting a new…
I wish I had of known how bad it would really be. A warning that the one year mark would be one of the most painful days of my life. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy day, I tried to prepare for that day. I honestly didn’t expect it to be as bad as it was. The fog of grief that had somewhat eased over the past few months returned instantly in full…
It was disheartening this week to read of a widow sister who had received a nasty email from friends. Friends of her husband who became her friends also. She thought they were still friends after his death but their email made clear to her that they want nothing to do with her. She thrived on the drama of widowhood, they said, because of the…
