I’m grateful I have this spot to write out my thoughts, to think out my thoughts and, maybe at times, make sense of my thoughts. More often than not, it seems that I am incapable of writing in prose here. Sometimes just listing the idle thoughts that run through my brain comes more easily. Every part of me is exhausted this week. More than…
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Smile, even when it’s hard
When I sit down to write I allow myself to be honest and have emotions that I normally hold in come out. That’s no different this week, but I have decided to bring some light this time. I had a normal week four kids, work, and doctors’ appointments. I have my break downs that happen out of nowhere still. The weirdest things will trigger them. I…
Widow Word~
W I D O W Add an E R for the guys W I D O W E R S Both words mean the same thing. Someone we loved died. Someone we still love, died. Gone, gone, goneAnd it’s up to us, those left behind, to create new lives for ourselves. It’s a powerful word, an ugly word to most of us. If not all of us It carries within its’ letters all the pain and…
Cole turns 3
My youngest son just turned three! Birthdays are always a fun time for our family, it’s a time to come together and really celebrate life. Last year for his second birthday I didn’t do it as big as I normally do. I was still in a very dark state, I knew I had to celebrate his birthday but honestly I didn’t want to. So this year I made sure to…
Just Life
Today is one of those weird days where I don’t have much to say. I love writing for this blog, and 9 times out of 10, even when I sit down to start typing and have no clue what Im going to write about, I end up coming up with something after all. But every now and then, you just have one of those weeks where there’s not much going on or not much to…
Once upon a time….
Once upon a time I had a perfect life. Maybe not the life everyone wanted but it was so very perfect to me. I have never been one to want a lot. Having a healthy family with a home was always enough for me. We always enjoyed doing things together and lived in every moment. When that all changed I told myself to just be grateful that I had it at one…
Vernacular
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my dear widower friend, and he said something that really stuck with me. “You know what I miss the most?”, he said.”I miss her vernacular. That way that she spoke, that only she could speak. The way she spoke to me.” After thinking about this long and hard, about what he said and what he meant by it, I…
My Two-ish Selves~
I oftentimes read posts/blogs of people who are grieving who speak about how they feel, after some time has passed, as if they present themselves to the world in a way that isn’t real but that they feel is required of them. In that, they don’t show their grief to the world. For many reasons, of course, but they feel unable to show who they…
This one life.
Whether you believe in God, reincarnation, or just nothing; this life, this one you are living right now, this is it. You will never again live this life as this person. You will never again live these experiences and learn these lessons. Every life is unique and so very special. Why do we as a society not see that? At some point in almost every…
A Path Built on Love
BIG. LIFE. CHANGES. I will be leaving NYC. I will be leaving my apartment, my teaching job of 16 years (that one hurts), and the greatest city in the world – the only city I have known and called “home” for the past 26 years, since I was 18 years old and moved here from small-town Groton, Massachusetts. I know this is the right decision for me at…
Loved Still, Loved Always~
These days that stretch and wind and turn and curve Nights that do the same This life filled with unknowing and uncertainty And grief and loss and wandering and wondering Roads that stretch and wind and turn and curve Thousands of miles since you died, my LoveThousands of hours and minutes Memories streaming past my window Streaming through me and…
My week
This week. I feel like this week is still so raw I’m not sure I can gather my thoughts. But I will try. Tuesday was my 8 year wedding anniversary. I took the kids to dinner and we had ice cream after. Sometimes I can still feel exactly where I would be if Joey was here. That night was like that for me. I was never super sad. I just sat back…