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My Brain in Short Sentences~

Posted on: November 9, 2016 | Posted by: Alison Miller

I

Am

So tired.

Living

Without him

Is exhausting

In

Every way.

I work

Hard

Every day

To create a

New life

And it takes

Every damn bit of

Energy to

Do that because

Really (shhh, it’s a secret)

I don’t

Give a damn about

Creating

A new life

Without him

But

I’m supposed to

Care and

I have to support myself

So….

I do what I need

To do but

Honestly

I’m fucking tired

And I wonder where

The FUCK did

My passion for life go?

Trying to

Get back that passion

Exhausts me

All over again.

Being a

Widow….

It sucks the big one.

Categories: Uncategorized

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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